July 30 - Last day of 30

I woke up today, hot and sweaty and restless from a turbulent night of nightmare-filled sleep and anxiety.  I'm thinking too much about the exhibition next week and my proposed pieces for the show.  I met with Candida and Marlene for breakfast, got my pieces together and headed to the print show to have my photos printed.  The lady at the shop spoke a little english, but she seemed very annoyed with us in general.  No matter, she printed my 12 images and they looked great (expect for one scratched one, which she reprinted right away).  I got the work home and thought, fuck, half of these look like garbage.  Not exhibition pieces at all.  Total CRAP.  

So, I've narrowed down my project from 9 images to 6.  I'm doing a triptych - 2 sets of three images each.  The first set is of non-human hands - close ups from sculpture, shot in such a way that the sculpture itself remains unknown and each represent different aspects of Hungarian history and culture:  tyranny, understanding and hope.  The second set brings in the human element, where hands and fingers connect or try to connect with the world around them, representing portals/doorways, knowledge and identity.  I'm not sure what kind of price tag to put on these, but since we are exhibiting at a very fine gallery here in Budapest, I don't think it would be unheard of to ask $1000 for each set.  I'd be happy with $50. Shit, I'd actually be happy with $5.  

When I got back from the print shop, however, I was still riddled with nerves and fortunately, my roommate Hannah offered to trip the images so they would fit in the frames.  My hands were so sweaty and shaky that I didn't dare even touch the prints.  I paced, I hovered, I probably drove her a bit crazy, but she was so calm and it helped me calm down.  I'm such a wreck when it comes to exhibiting shit.  I don't have a fine arts background and haven't matted a photo in 10 years.  I don't know the first thing about exhibitions except handing someone a fucking dvd or minidv tape.  And since I nixed the idea of editing a film here awhile back, well...I had to delve into other forms of exhibition that I'm not accustomed to.  But, isn't that what Residencies are about?

Later, I ate a terrible lunch with leathery beef and too many dumplings.  This was the first lunch of the Residency where the food was not very good.  Everyday we get traditional Hungarian dishes served to us at the hotel cafe - it's free and part of the Residency.  We never miss a free lunch!  But today...of all days, when I needed something delicious to take my mind of my stress, today is the day I get served a shoe for lunch.  

Then I took a nap and awoke drenched in sweat.  It's so hot and muggy here, and of course, unlike in hot-ass Virginia or steamy Detroit, there's no AC to cool you off.  And no fans in our hotel bedrooms.  

After that, I went to an art opening with the girls and it was bad.  Real bad.  The best part about it is that it made me feel like my work is pretty good after all!  

So, today is the last day of 30.  Tomorrow I'll be 31 on the 31st.  My lucky birthday!  I'm taking the day off  for some seriously needed rest and relaxation.  I'll go to the Szechenyi baths, get a pedicure and head out with everyone to the 25 or so gallery openings happening near Parliament.  Then out to dinner.  It will be great!  A new beginning!  

Friday, I'll get back to work on my film research.  I need to shoot more of the 1956 memorial sites, prominent locations and areas of activity.  I might even get a chance to take on of the day trips I planned out of Budapest to places where my mom was born, where she grew up, where her dad was born, etc...But tomorrow, tomorrow I relax! 

I might even get a tattoo of the Hungarian flag...let's see how adventurous I'm feeling!