Ok KT Go

"Nice Ass" Day

2011-06-20T16:49:00.001-07:00

After 5 months with a back injury, I jogged for the first time today. I did my ass a favor on this nice ass day.

It was nothing special, only about 2 miles.

But it felt great!

And here's how it went down:

I bought a pair of Sketchers Shape Ups. They are black and look very hip hop. I've never owned black sneakers like this before and am still getting used to not only how they look but how I walk in them, sometimes I think I'm walking like a cowboy. But they center my posture and work my calves, thighs and booty as I do simple walking or elliptical work and my chiropractor says they're gold, so off I go. And in the aftermath, I can totally feel the burn in my muscles in that way I forgot about.

I decided after the job ended today to talk Wilson to Frick Park for our standard 4 mile jaunt. Then Eminem came on the shuffle and I started moving faster. Then some Klaus Von Klaus, Rihanna, more Eminem and faster I went. And I picked up my pace with Wilson panting in tow (he's as out of shape as I am) and we cruised the last two miles all the way home! In the end, I put "Feel Good Inc" by the Gorillaz on repeat so that I would have no excuse to slow down and give up. It worked!

I'll likely pay the price tomorrow when the chiro manipulates my tender back, but there's something so rewarding about pushing my body after a long day at work and it's even more rewarding as I sip on my Pinot Grigio here on the veranda and KNOW that I did something that makes me feel a lot more like me than I have felt lately.

The ingredients for a "Nice Ass Day" are in equal parts as follows:

Sketchers Shape Ups

Frick Park

Wilson (or a good dog!)

Eminem

Klaus Von Klaus

Gorillaz

And repeat...

April in General

2011-04-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

In general, the month of April has been wonderful. Today is the birthday of one of my dear friends, Mr. Braverman Associate Professor, and yesterday, the love of my life turned 38, or as I like to call it, THIRTY GREAT. Two of my favorite people with birthdays within 2 days? Wow.

End of April also marks the near and dear end of a fantastic but long semester at Point Park, where I taught two back to back sections - 8 am - 11 am then 11:20 - 2:20 pm - Mon and Fri - of Production I, on the post-production end of the cinematic spectrum. In case you don't know, Point Park has an amazing Cinema and Digital Arts program that I have had the pleasure of teaching classes at for THREE semesters now! This semester, as the P1 Post instructor (I taught P1 in Spring of last year, but I taught on the Production end of the instructing team) I covered Final Cut Pro from the basic but vitally important areas like media management (which I beat into their heads!) to some simple but creative techniques found in the software, to audio editing and building a "soundscape." I taught with Jeremy and John, who covered Production, and I believe we had some incredible films this semester from up-and-coming freshmen who truly grew and developed not only their technical execution, but narrative storytelling, aesthetic, style and form. There's always a few stinkers, always, who hate your guts or just don't get it, but isn't that the way with everything? We had our final screening tonight and I also loved the P1 films that screened from the 2 other sections. Our final screening tonight was comprised of 12 films from my 2 plus the other 2 sections of P1, all 4 minutes or under - and it's a student-voted showcase of the semesters "best." And yes, it really was impressive! While some of my personal favs from my 2 sections didn't make the very small screening cut, so many students show so much promise and I truly believe in them. This is a proud (sin) moment for me -- and while I take no credit for their work per se I am proud to call them my students and to be their professor. I look forward to seeing where they will go not only in the program, but in life!

And spring is finally-sort-of here! Tim and I opened the Veranda and while some nights we might still need the heat, we decided NO WAY! Fuck you gas company in April! Maybe it's because despite the off and on chilliness, our neighborhood is beautiful this time of year and we are seduced by thoughts of spring. Daffodils and tulips, budding hastas and budding trees, green grass and the promise of warmth - enough to make you take your clothes off! I'm dying to run with Wilson in Frick Park, but we've had a lot of rain the past 3 weeks, my back is finally on the mend and I just invested in my dogs beauty - I got him (expensively and wildly rasta leg necessarily) groomed! So, I'm selfishly hiding out for more potentially clean dog park days, holding off on letting him splash, dig and frolick in the mud puddles, which stain his fur and feet and it stinks, and from letting him roll in what I presume to be dead animals in the grossest depths of the woods until tomorrow, off-leash, until Sunday - the first day of May.

Finally, the end April means I can officially count off the days, pretending I have six fingers on each hand RIGHT NOW, (this reminds of an old SNL commercial sketch) until I reconnect with my future husband - you may know him as Klaus Von Klaus. Rendezvous destination? NO, not Gdansk, or Prague, or Belarus...we're going to rendezvous in L.A. I'll send you a postcard with the details of our misadventures.

The Great Purge Continues...

2010-10-25T12:20:00.001-07:00

I've recently decided that all the years of stuff I've accumulated and moved with is weighing me down. Surrounded by a bunch of ex's left behind items from the break-up two years ago, all kinds of cd's I never listen to and even if I wanted to listen to them, they're ripped into my iTunes library, lenses for cameras I don't own anymore, furniture I trash picked and don't really even want - and countless other useless items that a more thing-oriented Kristine of the past would have cared about. So the great purge that began a few months ago continues. This means Craigslist, ebay, Amazon, this means bringing bags and bags of cd's and dvd's to the Exchange, this means simply throwing things away. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of Hoarder you see on the show of the same name, but I have always had a hard time shedding and getting rid of shit, perhaps it's some sort of reverberation of my disfunctional childhood and how so many things were lost, sold, taken from me among our many, many moves.

I currently have 5 book cases full of books, papers and storage. But do I really need all those Stephen King paperbacks I read as a teenager? Is there any logical reason I still have a stack of final exams from the Intro production class I taught at Wayne State in 2005? Do I actually need a copy of a book called "Nonlinear Editing" from 1990? Seriously??? I admit it though, of all my things, I have a close emotional attachment to my books. They are the hardest items to let go of, and of course, the heaviest and most bulk building of any kind of moving situation. But I love their smell, the way they feel, the bindings and covers and colors and fonts. I love looking through books I've read for school, particularly undergrad, and reading my notes or the places in the text I underlined, highlighted and then I like to try and to figure out why I thought that portion was important, why it spoke to me, where I was mentally in that time and place and experience with that book. I like finding where I dog-eared a page, where I paused and picked back up again. I particularly like my books on film as well - theory, practice, biography, screenplays, analysis, semiotics, history. I mean, how could I possibly ever part with Herzog on Herzog? Or for that matter, the debaucherous and raunchy autobiography of Klaus Kinski?

My answer is this: slim it all down to a manageable size. Why not have 2 bookcases of books I adore (instead of 5 that I don't want or need)? Why not keep the cd's that are special, like my rare Ramones collection or special edition Madonna discs and get rid of the rest? Then, I can sell the extra bookcases and Ikea CD towers too, turning this bulk into cash.

Because that's one of the big points of this great purge. Cash. Since I am, in all honesty, pretty financially fucked, I'd like to get un-fucked and this is one way of accomplishing the goal of being un-fucked. I've raised enough in recent purge sales to pay off my tuition balance at VCU and am only a short amount away from being able to pay for my dissertation credit hour for the spring. I'll defend my prospectus, get official ABD status and be more hire-able and marketable for future work. I'll feel better about myself and the life I've invested in my studies and my career. And I'll be more mobile, free, less encumbered by the physical and emotional clutter that surrounds me. So while there are moments the purging hurts a little, there is a true sense of satisfaction when I think about the big picture, the things are important in my life, my dreams and goals. And I'm reminded of how resourceful I am, that I land on my feet, that this clever purging is indeed an exercise in self-preservation. So, goodbye Battlestar Galactica dvd's, goodbye Italian language disc set, goodbye self help books that Mira left behind. Good riddance.

Jogger's Revenge

2010-07-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoyed working out and being physically active. Gymnastics as a kid; leaping, bounding and hiding from the cops as a teenager; aerobics classes as an undergrad to bump me up to full-time student status; impromptu living room dance parties; committing hours of my life to the elliptical in my late 20's and subsequently losing 25 pounds and a big giant ass because of it in my 30's. But I have never really enjoyed running distances or running at all. Boring, painful, utterly loathsome. Hard landings from gymnastics messed up my ankles, shins and knees and the elliptical is a very forgiving machine for my dysfunctional bones and joints, but unlike when I lived in Richmond, I don't have a free gym 2 blocks away anymore. And the idea of running as opposed to the smooth glide of the elliptical sounded about as fun as plucking my pubic hair while drinking spoiled milk.

But I moved to Pittsburgh, just blocks from the amazing gem known as Frick Park (insert your favorite Frick'n joke here) and I have found that with the right shoes (thanks, Jeremy) and the right attitude (thanks, Colton) or the right amount of guilt for being a Glee-loving, Catan-playing, email obsessed computer/couch potato (thanks, society), that I have discovered how to jog, in fact, after a few miles into it and a warmed up body, I have discovered how to run.

Today, for instance, I jogged 4.5 miles with my Wilson in tow and walked an additional 1.5 for a total distance of 6 miles. It took just over 70 minutes. If you average the walk + run time, I'm doing about 11.66 minutes for every mile. That's not too bad, really. Okay, it's slow. I'd be the last person puffing and barfing at the end of a marathon or race, but I'm not so worried about that as of yet. Right now, the goal is to conquer my hatred of running/jogging and embrace the effects of cardiovascular fitness, increased energy, fresh air, beautiful scenery and let's face it, a hot looking body.

I've uploaded an app to my iPhone that tracks my distance and pace, so even if I cheat and walk a little bit, which I did today on the grueling uphill battlefield portion of my pathway, all is calculated and forgiven. The fact that after staying up until 3 am last night, tooling around the house, wasting time on my computer, not writing my dissertation and drinking beer, I awoke today, ate a solid breakfast, drank a ton of water, geared up and headed out the door with a very excited dog.

Other tricks that help me. Wear clothes you can sweat in, cotton undies and socks. Don't bring house keys. Do bring extra poop bags for Wilson. Running makes him shit. Do load up iTunes with extra crappy pop music like Lady Gaga because if there's one thing I've learned from all those hours invested in the elliptical, it's that a steady beat and dancy music keeps my body moving and makes time fly by - a true blessing. I also push myself further, move faster and if another great dance song comes on, like say Gaga's "Just Dance," well, then I just have to keep running, don't I? In fact, I'd like to give a big motherfucking shout out to that crazy bitch Lady Gaga, because without her I don't think I'd be running at all. And guess what happened post-run? I vacuumed my entire house, including the furniture, with a goddamned smile on my face and spring in my step.

Friends, don't fear for me. This change of pace, if you will, does not interrupt my steady diet of cheeseburgers, cheap red wine, and good music consumption. But I am happy to say that I certainly smoke far fewer cigarettes than ever before. Which is another tale for another time. Indeed, it is the happy balance of the best of all worlds that dictates this delicious harmony of my life.

Gonna Be OKAY - Just Dance!!!

2010-06-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

What's up in my periphery? Earthquakes in Detroit (and Toronto), Kwame handed 19 federal indictments (yes, I voted for him, but only his first time running, when he PROMISED SOOOO much for our city, I voted Freeman Hendrix in round two and lost), torrential downpours in Pittsburgh, a slow and silent and solo night at the homestead with the kids, a little thunder and lighting to keep Wilson and I on our toes, cats lurking in the shadows. There's a whirlwind of great change afoot, I can feel it. The tectonic plates are shifting, justice is being served, but it continues to rain in my dining room, so as much as things change and heave and bob and weave, they also stay the same.

Such as it is, with crashing booms and equally powerful yet non-descript moments of quiet reflective bouncing around and dancing and singing with no one here to see or judge or care, I find myself oscillating like the $20 Home Depot fan in my sweet light purple cave of a bedroom, between one side of love, one side of life, one side from here to there and back again with every subject and facet of life's strange adventures and unpredictable variances with a well-oiled ease. Moving smoothly, flawlessly perhaps, from having real love and a real relationship to the exact opposite, from having a friend who is a friend and not a lover to the exact opposite, from having a lover who isn't even a friend to the exact opposite. From being unemployed to employed overwhelmingly, from being re-charged into my phd work to suddenly underwhelmed by its presence in my life at the very critical moment I think I'm finally ready to jump through another hoop and knock it all out with a 1-2 KT punch. Nope, the fan keeps moving, keeps shifting from side to side, blowing my wits and bits off guard. I may not have felt the quake in PGH, but I feel it every day in my heart and my mind. Just dance.

It's also too hot to go for a run, which I'd love to do, though I'm slow and don't jog more than a few+ miles, but I go go go, hustle, and I blast my Gaga along the way. So instead I'll work on my web presence, rebuilding the site taken down long ago when the petty little twerp I spent five years with deactivated the website I spent a year building. It's okay, the fan blows that away too. When that gets boring, what I have control over right now is the way I sway, shake my hips and shoulders, the volume of the shitty dance pop music I'm blasting, the dishes in the sink that I can't wait to wash, the dirt on my face and hands, the dirtyness of my insatiable appetites left to deal with later. The whirlwind of change is here, it's now, and I know I can also, always control the speed of the fan with which the winds blow about me. I can also turn the fan off.

Baby Old Lady Kitty came home and I remember being 16

2010-06-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

My little 17 years young old lady cat, a respectable if not a totally smelly pillar of yucky mucous, sophistication and adventure, took off last week Wednesday and was returned home this Monday evening by 3 sweet and kind little girls up the street. I want to kiss and hug these kids so bad right now. After days of searching, posting ads on Craigslist, putting flyers up around the neighborhood and overall prayers to the universe, Britches, aka Dragon Toes, Britchy, Stinky Britches, Grandma, Bwitch, is safe at home, and wearing a collar with her name and my phone number on it. The veranda from where she escaped is barricaded in an ugly way, but cat-proofed nonetheless. I want to make sure this 6 lb feline equipped with full-on liver failure and fearlessness holds on to what I'm certain is likely the last life she has in her tattered bag that once held 9.

Now, I'm not quite sure if Britches is 17 -- I actually think she is older since I have no idea her date of birth or from whence she came. I suspect she came from Long's Farm, which was right next to our subdivision in Commerce Township, where I lived from 16 until 19 with my then very drunken father, who said one day "Who's ugly grey cat is that?" My sister Katherine and I replied that we didn't know, and he said, "Well, she's yours now, I've been feeding her for weeks."

And that's how simple it was and it came to be that Britches would live a life of romance, recklessness, adventure, drama and happiness and travel along my side. From the farms of Commerce, to the indoor day-spa of dad's house, to the shithole apartments in Detroit, to the nice places in Detroit too, to Richmond and now on to Pittsburgh, Britches and I were only apart for one year in all this time, during which time sister Katherine, who lived next door, housed Britchy with Fifi as I felt I needed some time to be cat-free in my tiny studio apartment.. No less than 6 months later, I find Iago, twinkie-sized and scared shitless, screaming, hungry, he fit in the palm of my hand, in a nasty dumpster on Prentis and then 2 weeks later I adopted little teeny Jupiter, who is now a bully and a pig-cat, weighing in at kitty-sumo level of 21 lbs. And for all his love for humans, he is the alpha-male, he is the cat version of Eric Cartman. So, I brought Britchy back home with home and it's where she's been ever since. The boys, 12 this summer, know she is the Queen of the Castle.

Britches is also a friend to Wilson as much as she is a friend to humans and cats alike. As opposed to Iago and Jupiter, she likes Wilson, I dare say she loves him. It's part of her fearlessness, her friendliness, her willingness to accept and be part of the pack that makes her so special to me. He likes her too, he's not afraid of her like he is Jupiter, she doesn't taunt him, attack him, back him into corners, box his nose with her paws. She doesn't mind sharing space on my bed with him. (One mean look from Jupiter sends Wilson cowering, but don't tell anyone what a puss he is when it comes to pussy).

Her absence was heartbreaking. At worst I thought she'd run away to die - this liver failure is real, her senility is real, her craziness is real, death seems real. At best, I figured someone might have mistaken her for a kitten and decided to keep her. My ads were very clear, she is not a kitten! She is an old lady, the Betty White of cats! But in this absence I began to think of things I might have carried with me in my life as long or longer than her.

My name, for one. Some photos. A Stephen King book or two. And a pair of black Converse All-Stars I wore in high school and still have and that actually don't smell bad. What do you have from 17 years ago? From the time you were 16? It's a strange way to think about life, and death, and loss of not only the things and materials you love, but the living, breathing, loving creatures that grace us with their presence. I've spent half my life with this animal, this harbinger of sweetness and effection, and snot rockets the size of rockets, the color of electric green algae. I've spent what, thousands? of dollars on her food, litter, health care - including 2 surgeries to have her rotten teeth removed, which rendered her desensitized to treats, tuna juice, cheese, or any other delicacies other than her constant need for bowls full of her one and only culinary delight in this world -- original blue bag Purina Cat Chow.

Britches is my girl in my life filled with boys. Of all the boys and things and places and pieces of myself that I've loved and lost and changed and grown out of along the way, Britches has been with me, sleeping on my head, purring in my ear, looking at me with her beautiful huge green eyes, her Pixie Bob petiteness, with a devotion and care that keeps me humble, happy and human.

Welcome home little old crazy lady cat. I love you so much.

A Friday Toast

2010-06-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

Jameson Irish Whiskey is delicious, but did you know it is even more so with Pellegrino? As I sip on the last of the economy-sized gallon bottle of whiskey I bought just in case I go broke, feet up on the lovely veranda in my rustic-urban, shabby-chic flat, a gorgeous Friday evening in June winds down as do the pennies I've scraped up over the years and the student loan funds I have to start paying back in August. Yes, my tastes are refined, my palate luxurious on Irish booze and Italian water, but my accounts are empty. Thankfully I have my professional babysitting skills to rely upon!

So cheers, let's toast this Friday evening, a night of KT hanging in PGH, a rare Friday night off from aforementioned second career path, reflecting because that seems to be the theme of the day, to only celebratory occasions with class, sexiness and true joie de vivre!

I passed my comps, ahem, high passed.
Two essays + 3 days + 32 pages of writing and bibliography = One crazy lady.

Vacationed in Detroit. Except for Heather, I spent more time with more friends and family than all of last summer? The list: Heather, Greg, Zoe, Susan, Peter, Hernan, Natalia, their 3 cool NYC friends, Colton, Marianne, Leia, Klipper, Vaupel, Spivak and Spivak, Selmin, Carlson and Brandy, the regulars at Jumbo's, Allan, Beth, Sandy, Dave, Faina, Bridget, Jenny, the Cass folk at Beth's BBQ, Mom, Buddy, Katherine, Grant, Tobie, Kim and TC, Dad, Nancy, Winsome, Parker, Gunther, Matt, Meshawn, The Detroit Tigers, and host of familiar faces and places and smells and spells. Awesome.

Next, it was Slim and Kim, Episode Number 2. This time no spinning couches, but Greg having to get tough with a guy named Christy (for real) who wouldn't stop hitting on me at Brillobox. My lady-crush from the InSeams was there with pomped out bangs. I think I have a crush on her not because she's all hot, but because she sings in a fun band and plays guitar, and does so with such a calm cuteness and mellow ass-kicking-ness -- I think it's more of an admiration than a crush -- touching on my dreams of being in a similar band but settling for karaoke.

I have a new housemate too! Tim! After months of deliberation, hemming and hawing so much in that 2nd bedroom that I never got a fucking thing done in that 2nd bedroom, I made the decision to rent the second bedroom. The 101 Dalmations room. I moved all my shit out of there - all 1000 books, 200 records, 4 bookcases, huge Ikea desk and million other boxes of my life into different areas of the house -- by myself!!! Oh holy soreness the next day! Looks amazing, a complete transformation of my living/working space, with room to spare. Then on a whim I looked on the rooms/housing wanted section of CR and found an ad that I liked from someone who sounded not only like fun, but responsible, professional and easy-going and MALE, wrote my own ad and sent it to this person. Why male: because chicks are crazy. Then we met for coffee and lunch and hit it off really well. How well do you ask? Well, Wilson humped his leg and he didn't freak out! So Tim moved in last week sans furniture, which unbelievably still hasn't arrived. Making the best of it all, he's got a cozy space on my couch, covered nightly in cat-love and dog visits, until his life magically appears at our doorstop, date as yet unknown. But the 101 Dalmations are history, the room painted Midday Mocha with Chocolate trim -- a real man zone! Even inspired me to put a fresh coat of paint on both sides of the bowling lane length hallway in our railcar apartment. Place feels like home.

So while the Jameson thins out and the dining room window leaks something most foul, putrid and awful and some bill somewhere is late, pending, hounding me, I fondly toast again to Pittsburgh. I discard those few ugly moments when I regret moving. I don't blame Pittsburgh, I don't blame anyone for the weird rut and fact is, I love it here. We love it here, myself and my 4 kids. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, I can catch the bus anywhere, I am solo and single and there are many prospects, thanks to friends like Kathryn and Jeremy and my own strengths and marketability. Not to mention the least of which being I simply finish my PhD. Simply. Finish. My PhD. Simple.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

2010-04-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

LCD Soundsystem is on repeat in my head (new album, yes!!!) in combat with the soundtrack to The Sound of Music. How strange!!! While I figure out my life here in Pittsburgh I also take great pleasure in the solid and confirmed fact that I am a constant lover, a master of the faux pas, socially a bit awkward, somewhat of a do-nothing recluse and a professional babysitter. So much is up in the air with my academic career and I'm juggling, ridiculously. 2nd set of comps for PhD in 2 weeks -- not ready. Final stretch of my first semester at PPU, maybe my last? Maybe the beginning of full-time? I've got some other apps out, still have no idea where I stand in terms of the FINAL FOUR outcome at PPU. I'm keeping on with my professional career-oriented self though, I love the Cinema & Digital Arts program and the way it works, the faculty, the entire premise, set-up and execution. Feels good here, want to stay but beyond my control.

Good news as always, I think I'll be tutoring Final Cut and filmmaking to a 14 year old girl this spring/summer. How fun!!! I can't wait. This takes my passion for teaching and interest in like-minded youngsters to an entirely different level and I can't wait to help her craft her narratives and hone her knowledge as a writer, shooter, editor. Maybe she's an Oscar winner and I get a big thanks! I imagine what it would have been like if I'd had a mentor or someone who knew and cared about my creative ideas at that age -- someone who wasn't my parents or my friends or their sympathetic parents who felt sorry for me and the neglect they saw. Nope. Just someone older who knew something outside of my world and gave a shit about me finding my artistic self through my preferred medium. I'd probably be a better artist/thinker/writer/researcher/maker today if I'd had such a thing. Though for a high-school drop-out, I'd say I'm doing okay...

Maybe I'm Fraulein Maria. Maybe this is why I've rented The Sound of Music and I'm taking my sweet ass time watching this film, I simply can't let myself finish it or let it go. Maybe I'm that governess I always wanted and needed. Kids take to me. I take to them.
There's freedom in this kindred spiritedness!!! Kids of all ages, young and old, Austrian or not! I love to laugh, I can acclimate to moods, I love to share, make, do, play, listen, learn, teach. I go above and beyond. I'll make play clothing out of draperies and talk back to Captain Von Trapp if need be! And ohhhh, Christopher Plumber is incredibly handsome in this film! Especially when he's wooing the Baroness Schrader, but especially when he joins the children singing Maria's song and she sees him through the doorway, soaked from the overturned boat, just fired after he mistakenly calls her "Captain" and not "Fraulein", and she watches him from the afar and knows she's changed their lives for good even if it means her demise as governess (which of course, it doesn't, it's the beginning of her growing love for The Captian and the beginning of the narrative, really). The Baroness looks stunning, but she's no match for the demure, strong, confident, fair and kind Fraulein. Maybe this is why I feel so much like Maria. How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Not only that, I sing every song from the bottom of my non-smoking lungs at top volume. DO a Deer, a female deer. RA -- a drop of golden sun!!!! "When you know the note to sing, you can sing most anything!" I'm so pissed at that little nasty traitor Raulf. I want to kick his ass and hug Liesl and remind her to follow her dreams, no matter what. Her heartache is a true thing though. One I've felt more times than I like to remember.

With that...The Sound of Music might likely be the best musical ever. Can you name all seven Von Trapp children? The Salzburg dancing montage makes me weep with happiness. The irony of the nuns singing in the Abbey about Maria and her singing when there's no singing in the Abbey isn't lost on me. Wait, I also love Hedwig!!! See, conflict abounds in this life. At all times, in all ways.

Final thoughts -- Congrats to B with the Pitt interview and I hope Figg and Mc (McFigg?) also make it back here on a more permanent level. I could live the life of a pauper one more year if my nearest and dearest friends were here.

that "to do" list looks mean

2010-04-10T09:20:00.000-07:00

Oh Angry To-Do list, why do you stare at me so? Unassuming little yellow post-it, easily movable from place to place, never really sticking, but always lingering. Loitering. Burning holes in my flesh! Yes, I see you. Covered in my own handwriting, waiting for items to be crossed off, deleted, eliminated. You are waiting for the moment when I crumple you up and put you in the garbage can. This is your destiny and you are destroying me in your process of self-actualization!

*Application to Chapman
*Application to Asian University for Women
*Application to Interlochen
*Edit short video for second competency
*Work on reading list

Simple enough, right? Except the applications each involve compiling so much data including portfolio, personal statements, transcripts, vita, writing samples, etc.

Short video means going through all the footage I hate from Hungary and salvaging some kind of short little film together that represents my skills as a video editor.

Reading list? 40+ books to knock out by the end of April.

Dear lord! Grant me the strength! The courage, the wisdom! Or any of these three things!

Wilson and I are going to go for a run and then...I should have cleared some head space to make some headway. Or so I hope.

cut your nails short - you can type faster!

2010-04-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

It's already April? What happened to winter? Spring is here and Pittsburgh looks beautiful. Just walking through my neighborhood with Wilson is a treat, the light downtown on the buildings around 5 pm takes my breath away and today it was 80 degrees. I've done some work on the awesome enclosed front porch of my apartment, the "randy verandy" I like to call it. Throwing the big arched french doors open every morning expands the length of my already incredibly looooooong apartment, brings sunshine and fresh air all through the house and reminds me that I truly love it here -- not just the city, but home. My home, being at home, being in this space, this place, this time. I don't think I've ever been happier living anywhere than where I am right now. 3+ months in Pittsburgh...3+ months on my own, regaining my strength, my self, rooting and growing slowly at my own self-celebrating snails pace.

March came and went like a blink. Some failures and successes along the way, of which end of the spectrum they fall upon, I have really yet to decidedly decide. The big milestone was my interview at Point Park University for the tenure track faculty position for Editing/Post-Production. Out a fairly large pool of applicants, I made it into the 8 called back for interviews (mine in person, as I am already on staff there as Adjunct faculty). From that 8, it was narrowed down to 4, and I made it into the Final Four (NCAA reference not totally lost on me). The interview was daunting, harrowing, difficult, horrible really. Not because I think I performed poorly, but simply for the stressful factors of being put under a microscope for an extended period of time by people you already work with and know. I made it out, not unscathed, but wiser and with an experience I think I needed to experience. This was only my second job interview in my entire life! And I practiced, researched, struggled, ad-libbed. One thing's for sure, I looked pretty great! I do clean up nicely sometimes. The results are yet to be determined and frankly, completely out of my hands. Whatever happens, I know I was in the top 90% of their selection pool, that whether or not I land this gig doesn't define me or change who I am or what I've worked my whole life accomplishing. It'd be sweet, no doubt, but a vote either way won't shake my solid foundation. The only variable with jobs is the kind of building, structure, I'll put on top of this core. A facade, really. It doesn't matter where or what I teach, I'm a pretty awesome instructor and I know I bring knowledge, motivation and promise to my students.

That behind me, I've amped up my level of work on completing a bunch of my PhD requirements. Looks like 2nd set of comps will be done in early May. I also need to edit together a short video of my Hungary footage which scares me, but I can do it, I think. The challenge is welcome -- well, it's not unwelcome, per se. I also hired a woman to design my new website, I've done a shit load of work on my academic writing with Deb and Lynn (for forthcoming publication and conference presentation!) and I've spent a lot of time the past few weeks getting my life organized. Only a dent made in this, but progress nonetheless.

And I started jogging! Slow, not a lot of distance so far, but I'm building up some stamina and I love the way my body aches afterwards. Nothing quite like the exquisite torture of a most stunning and painful run through Frick Park.

It's been a really productive and long day and I am going to indulge in a healthy sized glass of wine. Only 2 things left on todays "to do" list, neither of which require the operating of heavy machinary or too much conversation. One thing I am sad about, this sudden slump with a dear friend who I miss and yet can't stand the rollercoaster ride with. We'll see how that all works out.

2 months in Pittsburgh

2010-02-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here at my new Ikea desk in my 101 Dalmations border adorned office, looking nothing like the young girl in this photos, puffy-faced from mucus and phlegm and blowing my nose for 3 days. Black hair, long sweater, slipper socks -- drinking delicious hot black coffee with my feet resting warmly on my dog. I am, as usual, alone in my space (which is why I have no reason to change out of my bell-bottom sweat pants).

Today is my 2 month anniversary since I moved to Pittsburgh and I am content despite the constant state of varying illnesses and varying degrees of productivity I've experienced over the few short months here. Winter has been hard and brought all kinds of unexpected vermin, both human and single-celled, into my life and no doubt, hanging out with toddlers, as much as I enjoy it, has exposed me to some of the nastiest breeds of germs via snot and projectile coughing. I've been officially sick for this 3rd bout of illness since Thursday, coming down with a runny nose and chest congestion during the 2+ hour version of Sam Shepherd's Buried Child, in a theatre with broken heat, as in blasting way too much hot air down my already constricted lungs. I was asphyxiating just at the climax of the play, when the horror's of the family's secrets of lies and incest are revealed, just as poor Dodge dies in the corner and Vince succumbs to the family madness. All I could think was, I'm going to die, right here, right now too. I'm suffocating on my own snot and the metaphor of the American family.

I've made some new friends though. Cindy. Craig. Friends from Point Park. Kat's friends are wonderful and warm and welcoming, and I look forward to my upcoming visitors from Detroit -- you know who you are! I had a ton of fun yesterday going through my photo albums and scanning old pictures into facebook, though this too was a solitary act of arbitrary nothingness. Because I do spend a lot of time shut in to my space, more than ever before, bumbling, procrastinating, shuffling around like an old lady. I don't know if it's simply because I've been so sick all the time or because I'm working through some serious emotional trauma still lingering from the past few years of never-ending bullshit in my personal and professional life. So here I am, I moved, I'm living alone and loving it. Am I productive? Not really. Am I working on many things? All at once. Am I happy. Most certainly. The point is not happiness though, which is generally fleeting and ephemeral, I need to start a project and finish it - I need permanence, security, closure on so many things. Specifically, I need to annotate these goddamned sources for my Oral Exam and Prospectus the way I used to write a lit review for every other stupid paper I wrote for college. I need to finish painting my apartment, especially the very scary and uninviting front door. I need to get my office truly unpacked and prepped as my writing and discovery lab. All this and more...

I do find that my ever-evolving relationship with CPW to be one of the most rewarding facets of my life, something so unpredictable, so unplanned, so easy and wonderful and precious. The emotional landscape between us covers much terrain, from blue skies and sunsets over water to rainy days and muddy fields to Snowmaggedan, literally! I'm convinced that I am better person with him in my life. He's my best friend, my "manpanion," as Kat likes to say. I think we'll get married one day.

But right now, I need to fuel up on fluids, eat a healthy breakfast, stay strong and focused, try to get some work done despite my clogged ears making my head feel like it's being squeezed in a vice. I lost out on some good babysitting money this weekend because of being sick, I missed two great rock shows with Craig as well. But I did have a helpful and thoughtful caretaker and indulged in the first 4 episodes of Dollhouse and watched I Love You, Man. It was fun watching Rudd with Rudd's doppelganger.

So today, I reflect and will take notes on what I want to accomplish in the next few months while I am still woefully underemployed and have the time to be successful and hammer on my PhD requirements. When I go full-time in the fall, I may not be so fortunate to have all these sick days and days of leisure. I must be productive, it's why I moved here, first and foremost -- so I need to take these old images of myself, composite them into a big ball called NOW, plant it firmly in the ground and take the fuck off! Ok, GO KT!

Honest Living

2010-01-24T12:13:00.001-08:00

While I love love love my new job at Point Park and teaching film style video production again is like a dream come true, I'm still stuck in that nebulous adjunct zone of low pay and underemployment. I'm not complaining though, I am and always have been aware that when I moved here this job would be a continuation of my thus far life-time of part-time-facultyness and a grand segue into dissertation-writingness. I am deeply thankful for what I have and what it brings to my exploding resume. And of course, the complete and total satisfaction I get when the switch is on and I'm leading a class of potential future Oscar winners.

So, to supplement my meager and embarrassingly low income, I am embarking on a not-so-new set of skills and talents: babysitting! Growing up, I took care of my little sisters. Then I watched my mom's friend Pam's kids and she was a baby factory, producing a new child every 1- 2 years. I paid for my much of my undergrad education from babysitting money. I've set up a profile with sittercity.com, paid for a background check (which I passed!) and I've met four families now through the site or word of mouth that I'll be working for starting tomorrow! It's an honest living that keeps me out of smoky bars slinging drinks to idiots until 2 am or a shitty retail job at Border's. I'm too old for both, and kids keep me real. They make me smile. They pull me out of my stressful life and their world becomes top priority for a few hopefully smooth hours. Then it's cash in hand and I'm free to resume my stress! So, even though this isn't part of my grand life's plan (PhD by 35, Pulitzer by 40, Oscar by 50), it certainly will do in terms of paying my always gone over cell phone bill. Kudos to a new career move and here's my card: Kristine Trever, Professional Babysitter.

First Day of School

2010-01-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

I love teaching film and video production. Period. I f'n LOVE it. Especially the Intro courses, where there's limits and parameters and wide-eyed freshmen and sophomores who hang on to every word and actually listen to you.

I started my first day of teaching Production I at Point Park University in downtown Pittsburgh today and it was awesome. Working once again in a truly dedicated and equipped filmmaking program is a breath of fresh air. Not that I hated working over in Mass Comm/Broadcast Journalism at VCU, but it was like hanging out with the not as handsome cousin of my true love interest.

This is the reason I pursued this pesky terminal degree, this PhD, this (as my friend Sascha hilariously refers to it) Doctor of Nothing. For in the end, it's a full time faculty position in a film and media arts program that I want and desire. It is my goal, my career dream, as the protagonist of my own flawed life. It is my controlling idea, my driving force. The PhD and all the hoops to jump through are merely simpleton antagonists standing in the way, but not for long, of achieving these goals. Make no mistake, I haven't been in college for 14 years because I love research...I don't. I love cinema. I love cameras. I love story. I love sharing what I know with eager minds and open hearts.

Best part, the folks I work with are friendly, helpful and cheery! My co-Instructor (yes, I team teach the class plus we have a TA!) has been wonderful in showing me the ropes and making sure all the bases are covered. And, he's Hungarian! I know every school and program has it's quirks and undersides, but I'm optimistic as usual that this is going to be a really rewarding and perhaps long-term place for me. I feel comfortable and relaxed here, the atmosphere is serious but fun. Kind of like me!

And the building where the Cinema and Digital Arts program lives is absolutely stunning. There's no way, no matter how foul your mood is in the morning or how hungover or tired you might be, that you can't feel a sense of being surrounded by beauty when you walk into this place and simply feel good. The building used to be an old bank, so it's opulent, spacious, covered in columns and huge windows and marble. Ornate and detailed, there's even a vault converted into a little lounge in the basement. Working right downtown is fantastic too...as if I needed one more excuse to let myself get lost in the city.

Sometimes I want to cry because for the first time in years I am happy. I feel real happiness, peace and calm in my busy, hectic, crazy, silly life. Then I cut that out and laugh and smile because I did this, I made this happiness happen. No one did it for me. But for those of you that supported, helped or believed in me along the way, I thank you. This happy, smiling, crying, laughing teacher and almost doctor, thanks you.

This one's for Vaupel

2010-01-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

Moving is exhausting and bruising. It's a self-abusive love affair with a strange place and known things. It's fun and painful, it's a new yet familiar relationship for me, yet this time it's mine. I'm covered in little black and blue kisses all over my knees and shins. I think even my pelvic bone is bruised. Tonight I tried to convert the "stink room" into an office space. This is a huge room, the one that came with the FREE 101 Dalmations border, the room where I keep the cat boxes, about 2/3 of my books, my records, my PC, and my unpaid bills. I measured for a new desk (Ikea?) and went through a million files and the last 90 % of the last 90% of the boxes. Only 2 boxes left in that room on purpose (the rest contain VHS tapes of my Woody Allen collection and there's a huge box of all my student's reels from years of teaching at WSU). I realize that I not only need a huge desk for editing and bill paying (I'm gonna do my writing in the dining room/kitchen/hallway -- on the butcher block paper I bought) but I need filing cabinets and an entirely updated filing system. Nothing's been touched since 2008. Boo.

Some of my best discoveries of moving have been the many facets of my incredible wardrobe -- the red and white polka dot chacha dress I've actually never worn in public and the many cute scarves and bracelets I own. I actually found two Pewabic tiles I thought lost since I left Detroit. Still wrapped in newspaper, they were at the bottom of the box with my taxes and Wilson's pet records.

But the best part about moving is going through the boxes of old letters. Mostly in floral print hat boxes that have withstood nearly a dozen years in my life and about half that amount in different moves in 3 different states. Un-noticed and overlooked, Purloined Letters of sorts, I dared not revisit these boxes while in the meat grinder relationship with Christian. What, I might remember I once had ambition and goals? Or that I was desired? Dare I not even look for then, during those moves, I would have crumbled. But today, I've been so fortunate, today I dare. I've even found a bunch of letters from friends and lovers tucked in photo albums and random paperbacks like Thomas Hardy's Return of the Native (found a good one in there!) What was I thinking when I placed that letter from her there? A fantastic amount of letters from Mike Field sending me back to our carefree days from ages 19 - 25 when we were amazing penpals, best friends and much, much smarter than we

are now!

The real treasure was finding the massive stack of love letters written to me by my ex-boyfriend and former fiance, Miguel. We met when I was 21 and working at Majestic Cafe. I had braces on my teeth and wore chunky heeled shoes, long black pencil shaped skirts and a lot of metal jewelry. My hair was short, choppy, multi-colored but often bleached blonde and I was in the throes of kicking a terrible stint with my nasty roommate and her always having bad influences around. I had dated a lot of the guys in who came in to the bar. What can I say? I was young, living on my own Detroit, getting my useless Film degree, making a shitload of money, and I was cute. Cute like a 12 year old.

Miguel came around towards the end of my run at this mostly negative time of my life. He also looked 12, and acted 12, but was only about 9 months younger than I. He persistenly asked me out, I consistently denied him with the adage "I'm sorry, I don't date patrons." But he was so HOT. So hot. Slim but muscular, built but wiry. Dark, short curly hair, eyes like a dragon. Piercing and powerful. After countless occasions, gifts and notes of his a

ffection left for me at the bar on my night's off, I finally gave in and called him. We went out the next night. We went out and we went all the way. All the way off and on for the next 3 years. "We knew all the answers and we shouted them like anthems!" That's how we lived.

Weeks later I quit Majestic and moved into a tiny studio in a converted house on Prentis, moving in next door to my new and forever since best friend Heather. We moved into our new places on the same day and pretty much haven't stopped talking to each other every single day since ('cept for those few nasty occasions I care not to revisit). I started waiting tables and day bartending at Cass Cafe, making 1/2 what I'd made just months before at the suckhole. No car, no telephone, shitty little hole in the wall apartment with a standup shower too small for even me, I pulled my GPA back up to 4.o and engaged in the best sex of my young and not-so- innocent life with this hot young man.

What I discovered in the treasure trove of his letters was a photograph that he took of me one day on break at the Cass Cafe. He must have surprised me while enjoying not only a

cigarette but perhaps even a plate of french fries!

So, here's the first installment of what might be many of the Letters from Miguel. Read for yourself the brilliant intent, extent and playfulness of his love for me. It matched mine. I make no excuses, I loved this idiot guy. Ten years ago, to the day, likely. Perhaps he's the root of the reason I am obsessed with love letters.

Harrowing adventures and A papers

2009-11-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

After almost being plowed over by a renegade tow truck on Broad Street last night, leaping Crouching Tiger/Hidden dragon style to save my life, landing on my side on the concrete and rolling out of it without a scratch, with a burst of adrenaline powerful enough to get me back on my feet and try to to chase the tow truck (got the company name and license number)...I am so happy to be alive today and to right now officially begin Thanksgiving Break!

Sore and cranky all day, I kicked ass on some of the more daunting moving to Pittsburgh logistics, I got some packing done for my trip to Detroit and even finished all my homework before class tonight! Class was odd -- we were discussing humor and no one seemed very enthused except for myself, my classmate Tim and my incredible professor, Dr. Hodges. I don't like always being the one of only two people who engages in any kind of discussion. Halfway through class I'm burned out and I don't want to talk anymore even though I still have more to say. I'd love it if it were just a handful of us at a coffee shop.

Got my Son of Mr. Green Jeans paper back tonight...another A! Another fabulous, stressfully earned but wonderfully rewarding A! Comments this time included not only "brilliant analysis and structure" but "I'd like to send this to Moore." Holy shit! That scares me! Having my work on Moore's short story sent to him for rebuttal, refute, denial, condemnation? But what about praise, you say? There's that possibility too.

I do think I am decent academic writer because I like to play with my material. I try to have fun with even the most serious theories and opaque rhetorical demands. I write like I speak, I keep my tone upbeat, I joke, I kid, I get snarky. Sometimes I even understand what I'm writing about! Sometimes, I'm in love with my writing. Sometimes, my writing kills me.

For class tonight, we had to read a few excerpts from Robin Hemley's new book Do Over and a couple pieces from his fantastic series called Dispatches from Manila. Dr. Hodges even shared a piece of hers on roaches, and it was a really fun, thoughtful, deep and visceral read. They've inspired me. These A's inspire me. They remind me to push through the block, the worry, the stress, the anguish of a really sucky 2009 and click away on the keyboard or scribble my thoughts on any piece of paper I can find. They remind to write, just write. That's right.

Son of Mr. Green Jeans

2009-11-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

After 2 weeks hanging with my dear friend, the gorgeous and talented Figg and the procrastination that comes far too naturally for me, I finally got around to writing my paper on - GASP - the day it was DUE! Now, this really is a first for me. No guff. Sometimes I'll wait until the weekend, or perhaps even the night before, but never on the day I'm supposed to hand it in, spell-checked, revised, edited, with sources and a clever title.

Struggling with last nights wine remnants and a fuzzy head, I trashed what I'd already written about Brad K. Youngkin's short story The Speed of Memory (of which my memory speed had slowed to a snails pace) and while in the most refreshing shower of my life I had the epiphany moment. Forget what I'd already written. It was only three sentences of crap anyway. Start fresh. Shower fresh.

I thought about structure, white space, demarcation. I thought about finding a hook, a gimmick. I thought about how I'm too emotionally close to Youngkin's story to do it justice. I mean, this story is fucking incredible. It's often too hard to write about the things you love. So, write about what you like, I guess.

And I really like Dinty W. Moore's Son of Mr. Green Jeans. His structure is unique. Alphabetical entries on fathers, fatherhood, being a son, perceptions of the perfect father, parents, animals, humans, traits, xenogenesis. Small bites, sections that all speak to an abstract notion of "father." Self-reflective, but not entirely memoir. Sometimes reads like journalism or like entries in a dictionary or encylopedia. Looks kind of like that too. So, I stole his structure. Made my own headers using the same ALL CAPS style. Same page breaks, demarcation and white space. Nonlinear. Threaded and woven. Analytical and of course, chock full of the anti-academic rhetorical wit I am wildly famous for.

And tonight I turned it in! I'm hoping it wins as much praise for its succinct use of style and prose as my first paper for the class, though I do feel it might be a little analytically thin. No matter, I rocked it out in about 4 hours with 2 hours to spare before class and I feel great about it.

Now...if I could just have these breaks in terms of writing my dissertation, editing my documentary, finding the love of my life...etc.

But this will all come to me when I move to Pittsburgh. Next month!

Waking up is hard to do

2009-11-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

I thought I would wake up today with a great sense of relief and closure, but I pretty much feel the same as I've felt the last few weeks. Depressed. Tired. Lethargic. Sad.

Why today? Well, yesterday, Nov. 9th, is the day/date that one year ago Christian moved out of my house, ending the 5+ year relationship debacle we'd been mulling around in. So today really isn't just an arbitrary date I assigned to say "I am going to feel better today;" no, today marks the first day of the beginning of my first year of life without being sucked dry by him. However, the suckitude continued with the relationships I formed with 2 other notable characters in this drama. And if you know me, you know who they are and you know that they too, are somewhere in Gonesville.

So, why do I still feel so poopy? Lots of shit flying around, I guess. Instead of wallowing in it, I am going to slowly but surely clean this fucking mess up.

What does that entail? Starting small and with what I know I can accomplish today. For instance, getting my homework done and being prepared for my very awesome nonfiction class. Next, finishing up my little demo packet for Pittsburgh. Then, packing and getting prepared for my Wednesday trip. And boom, signing a lease that marks my new lease on life.

I'll return to RVA knowing that in less than 2 months I will not only be living alone in a new city, I will have made a decision by myself and for myself, with no nasty cling-ons to drag me down anymore, or ever again.

I guess I actually DO feel pretty good today! Hah!

Semester update

2009-11-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

I've forgotten how to blog! It's been far too long. But these rusty digits are back in action as the transitions of my personal and professional life unfold before my very tired eyes.

I want to brag about this semester. Dr. B. is running a sweet solo show as the only prof for the usually team taught Newscasting/VCU InSight content producing and on-set anchoring class. When once it was 2 profs, plus an instructor for TV Studio Production PLUS the added bonus of yours truly as graduate teaching assistant, our team of 4 faculty/producers is down to just Dr. B and I. Promoted to Senior Editor and Instructor of the 466 Production class in January, it was me and Dr. B and Prof Lysak and it was tough then, though quality nonetheless. Now it's us, just me and Dr. B, the lonely two gunslingers in an always challenging terrain of software mishaps, crazy deadlines and learning curves. Next show tapes 11/18 and airs 11/20.

This semester is student-produced news gold! How they shine! It's a dream team in the newsroom and a super competent team in the studio, despite any green-ness or inexperience. Everyone seems to just work so well together. We completed our third show last week and it is quite likely the tightest, most polished show I've worked on in my 5 semesters at various positions on the VCU InSight team. I too am becoming a more efficient and thoughtful editor of the full show. I assemble all the packages, VO's, VO/SOT's, OSI's and all the on-set anchor materials and I put the show together. I make the graphics, lower thirds and cut the video for the VO's and VO/SOT's. It's a 28:00 show and takes me about 20 hours to cut together for air once all the computer crashes, editorial changes and snafu's are put to bed. And I have 48 hours from studio taping to the time it better be over at WCVW or I get surly emails from the station!

And my documentary class is blowing me away. Today was our first day devoted to post-production meetings in the large edit bay. The footage so far is excellent, though some of the interviews they've presented have some visual issues I think we can mostly fix in post. B-Roll and Actualities are stellar. There's four groups doing four very different pieces. There's a doc on graffiti and street artists in Richmond, one on the lifestyle and performances of Drag Queens, one on the controversial VCU Pep Band and the last is on social networking and the military. While the angles might need to be sharpened, I have no doubt from what I viewed tonight that their stories will develop into compelling and captivating narratives, complete with beautiful footage, visuals, graphics and sound. I'm so looking forward to next week to see how these pieces progress. Doc due date 12/08. And they're required to submit to festivals or some kind of competition. I'm hoping for a CTA.

Never Going Home?

2009-01-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

Somehow, I missed my flight home to Richmond by 20 minutes today. No other flights until tomorrow morning. So, good thing Dana picked up her phone and she and Rob swung around to pick me back up. I have one last night in Denver, which we will spend eating homemade pasta sauce and meatballs, baked eggplant, wine, and some mindless television, which does NOT include tonight's all new Saturday Night Live...which airs at 10:30 pm, which is very very strange to me. I'm excited to see little Billy Buddy, Neil Patrick Harris, rock out what I predict will be a fantastic episode.

We had a fantastic week, even though they both had to work a lot. That allowed me to sleep in and have plenty of down time to relax at the house, take me time try to kick the tuberculosis I somehow contracted from Kelly and to spend quality time with their awesome cats. I want to steal Helmut from Dana -- her hot and sexy and super talkative Minx with his bobbed tail and chubby belly.

I had some powerful and interesting interactions with the men in my life this week. All of them, on some level. I also drank copious amounts of alcohol, which I believe facilitated some of my more interesting encounters. I found Lucky Pennies all over the place, and I have to admit, I want to keep a lucky penny in each of my pockets from this day forward. I DID NOT have a lucky penny on my persons today -- which may have contributed to missing my flight! See? That shit is true.

And while Monday begins the last semester of courses I will likely have to take as a PhD student at VCU, I am really totally over being a student. A huge part of me wants to drop out and just get a job at a fucking coffee shop. Or just move to L.A. and get a job as a PA on any indie set or feature film. I am not too proud to do that just because I'm educated and talented.

But...I'm sure once it all starts back up, I'll feel my way back into this path that I've chosen.

And my attitude will certainly improve once I head back to the gym at a regular basis and continue sculpting this rockin' body I've got! And hopefully, this semester will be full of fun visitors to Richmond and some surprises along the way.

For now, I've got two videos on deadline, a syllabis to write, a day full of meetings on Monday, my first day of classes, an appointment with the Apple store to fix my broken $2000 Mac Book Pro and another InSight to edit for PBS. That's this week.

Do I really want to even go home? Or can I just stay at Dana's, eat good food and pet her cats for the rest of my life?

Denver Days

2009-01-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Hanging with Dana and Rob in Denver has been a blast so far despite coming down with a nasty sore throat and cold. When I got up at 4 am to catch my plane and felt the razor blades in my throat, I knew what was coming. But I've essentially overdosed on Nyquil and DayQuil so that I too can enjoy all that Denver has to offer...which is A LOT! D and R have a great place downtown, close to a bunch of great bars and restaurants. D and I had breakfast at an awesome joint called Snooze and then headed to the mall so I could buy some undies...which somehow I forgot to pack! Later, the 3 of us happy-hour bar hopped, then met up with Rob's sister at BOWL-ERO for dollar bowling! I did really well, even though I haven't bowled since I lived in Detroit. First game, 124, then I nailed 151 on the last two games! I even bowled a turkey!

But...responsibility rears its ugly head as the new semester is right around the corner. Already flurried with work and school related emails and deadlines for video projects loom in the very near future. I have to re-invent my FCP program -- stat!

For now...I'm going to thoroughly enjoy these last few days of freedom, surrounded by huge mountains and lots of love from of my dearest and loveliest of friends. This has been a magical and profoundly life changing break and I'm never looking back.

CRISIS...Averted!

2008-12-30T11:39:00.000-08:00

Back to work. Back to Dallas...which, in many ways, was the prequel to this life's new novel.

Before I left for Detroit, I captured all my Dallas footage into FCP with the intent of loading it all to YouTube for Deb to review. Easy. Right?

Then Final Cut, Compressor and Quicktime all crap out at the same time on Nessie...right before I leave town. Nothing I can do about this while on my vacation of luxury.

10 Days later, I'm home...leaving Nessie accidentally behind on the floor in Heather's living room. Fucking lame! I needed to clean her up and take her to Apple for some TLC...like yesterday. She'll be back tomorrow, thanks to Fed Ex and $40.

So, I figure I'll re-capture everything into Premiere on my good old PC. Annoying and time consuming...but it'll do.

I gear up, ready for the battle, the tedium and I'm screwed...My version of Premiere doesn't accept 24P video!

FUCK! I freak out.

And I don't have access to my office at VCU...school's closed until January 5th! Freak out some more.

So, I take a breath and I take a chance...

I plug in my camera/capture device and hear the PC dingdong-device-detected bell. The prompt window opens. What would I like to do?

One of the choices is to capture into Windows Movie Maker -- a fine program for soccer mom's and teenagers to make family videos...nothing I EVER use...I'm TOO GOOD FOR WINDOW'S MOVIE MAKER, right?

I click it.

Not only does this little tyke of an edit program capture all my footage, it doesn't drop any frames, have any audio issues or compress the video in an unwatchable horrendous way! I've already got 2 tapes captured and I'm on to the last one. Three videos are already posted to YouTube. I'm already half done! Still drinking coffee in my pajamas...working from home like I like to do...taking breaks to sit in the warm sun...chatting with friends and listening to Electrelane. Not stressing out...anymore.

Because this means I don't have to transcribe the tapes, word for word, into WORD. Play, pause, type, play, pause, type. And repeat. And repeat again. And again...until all 2 hours of videotaped interviews are written out and readable. BORING. And for the rest of this beautiful day...this would have been my sentence for a crime I did not commit.

So...Windows Movie Maker you are my Rita Hayworth and THIS is my Shawshank Redemption.

Christmas 2008

2008-12-29T12:19:00.000-08:00

After a boring break-up and bothersome semester, I just haven't felt like writing in a long time. What am I going to say? Five years of my life have come and gone and I'm frozen at my computer writing a 20 page paper on one single painting...and I know nothing about painting! Bitch and moan, bitch and moan...I was full of that negative shit for quite a few months there. The only things that saved me were my girlfriends and working out at the gym. Nothing like a failed relationship to make you look at your body and say, yep, this isn't working either. So, I guess in the past few months I've lost some weight and toned up. I think I look pretty awesome!

I pulled through it all and last week I went back home to Detroit...solo...for the first time. Solo for the holidays, solo in my heart. Heather flew down and kindly drove up with me, which was so fun! I stayed with Heather and Greg, mostly, and brought Wilson up too. 10 days at in Detroit and all around...I drove about 2500 miles with the roundtrip drive up and back and all the destinations in between.

More importantly, this vacation has a special Christmas mystery attached to it that I'll express and illuminate through the metaphor of a text, a book, to be specific. A dirty fairytale full of romance and comedy and even MUSIC that is over six years in the making. The story, as I see it, is just beginning. The book has been opened, the first chapter written and read, and read and read over again. It's not like it's one of those books that sat on my shelf and I never read...no...it's more like a limited edition, signed, leather-bound one-of-a-kind edition that I finally got my hands on after much anxious searching and deliberation, false-starts and near-misses. My precious!

I couldn't put it the book down, stop touching it, reading each line over and over, running my hands and fingers across its type, trying to write it to memory, that fickle space that tricks you and rewrites itself with every passing second, every new word. I wanted to beat out memory, to burn it in, burn it down, to win. I think I made some incredible progress on that!

I'm not sure, but I think the name of the book is something like "The Midnight Adventures of Prince Habib"

Video Uploads

2008-10-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Well well well. Welcome to 2008, Kristine.

I finally put my new, and some old, videos on Vimeo.

If you dare, give them a look-see. The newest ads are The Good Wife's Guide, ATLD 2 -4, Too Much, Intentional Fallacy and Cut/Paste.

All the videos will be up on my website very very soon.

www.kristinetrever.com

A work in progress...

Walk Hard

2008-10-13T14:31:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in a loooooooong time.

I don't really have an excuse, because I've certainly had enough time to polish off a bottle of wine every night, get my homework done and watch the debates.

I guess it's been about a month...

A lot has happened in that time. Mira lives here now and she's fun. I see Kelly a lot too. I've made friends with our neighbors, Billy and Margaret and their two dogs, Henry and Stella. I shot part of my Boaz and Ruth documentary on Saturday and ate a cheeseburger. Today, I actually put away my laundry. See, I've been BUSY.

Last night, I even got to hang out with Bill Clinton in the intimate outdoor setting of the VCU Commons with about 5000 other Obama supporters. That was totally awesome.

I'm writing today, because last night, I had the pleasure of actually letting myself relax and enjoy a movie. I'd just finished my Lit Review for my Art Ed course and was riding the Clinton high. So, the three of us hunkered down, flipped through Stars On Demand and decided on something we thought we would be totally dumb and silly. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

Granted, it was dumb and silly, but I think I laughed at literally EVERY SINGLE SCENE. My guts hurt when it was over. It was clever as hell, parodying Walk the Line and all kinds of trends in music history. Paul Rudd did a fantastic job as John Lennon. Jack White played Elvis. Kristen Wiig was a hilarious baby factory. It was good to see Matt Besser and Chris Parnell and Jenna Fischer, and the entire star-studded cast of some of my favorite funny people. And John C. Reilly, well, frankly, he was amazing.

In the midst of trudging through Paul DeMan's "The Rhetoric of Temporality" all day today, searching for the meaning of allegory, symbol and irony, I keep zoning out and thinking back to that ridiculous movie and laughing my ass off. Where's the irony in that?

The songs were fantastic...from "Walk Hard" to the non-sensical Bob Dylan parody, to the dirty duet...thanks Judd Apatow and Jake Kasdan for another killer film. You fucking rock!

Documentary class subject

2008-08-28T17:44:00.001-07:00

This letter to my teacher says it all. "Sean" is Sean Stewart, one of my co-collaborators on Intentional Fallacy and a really great guy. This is going to be AWESOME.

Dear Dr. Browder,
Last week Dave Coogan contacted Sean and I about working/volunteering on a
documentary project for the Boaz and Ruth organization, a Richmond-based
non-profit dedicated to helping rehabilitated and released prisoners. It provides
numerous programs and resources related to skills development and counseling.

Today, we met with the directors of Boaz and Ruth and we're really excited
about the prospects of creating two short documentaries for them. Sean and
I would work as a team, but would produce two films, each with a different
theme. The first would focus on Boaz and Ruth and the organization itself,
and the second would focus on their Oct. 11th event, The Long Walk to
Freedom.

Embedded in these short films would be a sense of oral history, grass-roots
activism, social-consciousness and community awareness. Boaz and Ruth is a
really impressive place: they facilitate almost all of the outreach by way
of the different extension spaces they operate -- a second-hand "boutique,"
a moving company, a thrift store, a restaurant, and much more, all while
focusing on and tackling the issues that affect former prisoners as they
work to regain their dignity, pride and place in this world.

We feel that this opportunity is one that can both benefit us as students
in your course, but also serves to benefit the Boaz and Ruth organization
as well as the people they strive to help every day.

Our question is, would you like us to submit a group proposal for both
films or individual proposals for each film?

We look forward to hearing from you!
Sean and Kristine

PS...Here's links to Boaz and Ruth and The Long Walk to Freedom
http://www.boazandruth.com/
http://www.boazandruth.com/index.cfm/topic/longwalktofreedom

New Fall Semester

2008-08-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

I've finally experienced all of my fall courses and I'm really excited about this semester!

I'm taking 3 classes: Deconstruction and the Arts, Documentary and Issues and Methods in Art Education, which is an online course.

Last Thursday, ARTE started online. I did the little readings and posted the online work and though this is my first online course, I like the pace and concept of it so far. I think it will be a little challenging, since I don't come from an "art education" background, but I really look forward to creating a kind of unity in teaching film/video with the formulas and discussion of teaching "art."

Today, I hit up the first day of my other two classes. First, Deconstruction. A hot ensemble of Heidegger, de Man, Derrida, Merleau-Ponty, Fried, Clark, Marin, Nancy and Lacoue-Labarthe. HOT! The prof is captivating - he's young, brilliant, comfortable and coherent. The day-one lecture took away the daunting, nauseating feeling I had about this class. Intense in heavy cultural theory, focused on a sort of "over" period of criticism and philosophy, we'll weave out what works and doesn't in terms of deconstruction. I'm particularly fond of the idea that we are supposed to do close, as in microscopic, readings of specific art works or texts for our papers. And I also like that Prof. Cronan doesn't expect us to KNOW everything. There's room to grow and learn and acclimate to this kind of mind-melting theory. I'm a bit intimidated, but not grossed out. And you can't ask for much more in a deep, intense course on brain-blowing, cranial-fcuk of a class.

And then there's Documentary. Wow. Wow. Wow. If there wasn't a better class made for me here at MATX, well, I'll pay you $5 if you can prove me wrong. Dr. Browder is great. She's open, she's receptive, she's thrown herself into grant-writing and documentary making - not just film, but creative non-fiction, podcasts, blogs, etc. She fired us up with a great debate about the differences between creative NF, "documentary" and journalism, notions of truth, perception, subjectivity and visual rhetoric. She's assigned some fascinating texts and in true upper-academic fashion, expects some kind of documentary work from us. Whether we do photo-essay, film, or a written version, we have to produce a project, a 10 page proposal with budget, response papers to the readings and workshopping our projects as they come along.

Considering that my thesis topic is trans-cultural and self-reflexive docs, as well as making one about Hungary and my mother's life and the 1956 Revolution, and that I've learned to teach and study docs from Dr. Marcus and from Joel, I think I'm in good shape. I have a different kind of attitude here: no more fish-out-of-water, this time I feel like I'm swimming comfortably and no matter, will always be able to tread water.

Cheers to a great new semester! After the havoc and craziness of this summer, all the wonderful things I experienced and the delight of living in a new house, I'm ready for the massive shit-storm coming my way. In fact, I kind of look forward to it...

Obama and Me!

2008-08-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started my volunteer work at the Richmond Obama headquarters, about a block from my house. I walk past it all the time and on Friday, I stopped in an signed up! So, on Sunday, I got there around noon, had a brief tutorial on what to say and do at the phone bank, and started making calls. I made about 200 calls in 3 hours, which made a slight dent in the daily goal of 13,000 calls. Most people didn't answer their phones and I was only hung up on twice, but of the two dozen or so people I actually spoke with, they were really nice and super charged about Obama!

My goal was to invite people to watch the Democratic Nomination of Obama on Thursday at their local precinct's designated party location. Here's my script:

"Hello, is _____________ available? Hi, I'm Kristine, a volunteer at the Obama for President campaign here in Richmond.

I'm calling today to because as a supportor of Senator Obama, we wanted to invite you to watch the Democratic Nomination of Obama for President. Would you like to attend a free Convention Watch Party in your precinct on Thursday, August 28th"

And here, people would either respond with total enthusiasm or begin to tell me a lot about themselves. Broken hips, knee surgery, have to work a night shift at the restaurant, small kids to take care of, class at VCU, etc. But here's where in some cases I could spin a maybe out of them or at least pass on the information that we need lots of help from volunteers and if they were interested, we're located at 1208 W. Marshall, right behind the Siegel Center.

Sometimes I threw in words and phrases like "come meet like-minded voters and Obama supporters in your community" or "don't miss this historic event!" or "would you like to invite anyone in the household to join you?" Yeah, all of these were mine, off-script. I'm awesome.

I had planned to stay for 5 hours, but after about 3 1/2, I couldn't take it anymore. My ear REALLY hurt from being on the phone and I totally ran out of steam. But I'll be back next Sunday for more volunteer work and the free pretzels.

Not like I don't have a million other things to do...being involved in that pesky MATX program that takes up most of my time, or trying to have a bit of a social life, or god forbid, trying to work on my Hungary documentary...

But I think the reason I've been so damned compelled to help with this campaign and that I'm committed to giving a little time at least once a week -- is because I have suffered for EIGHT LONG YEARS. I have never volunteered at a campaign before, though I vote at every primary and election. I try to stay informed, but don't really get involved. And Gore lost (well, he won, but I digress) and Kerry lost too, and when that happened, I was inconsolable for days! I cried and cried. That was a bad year, because Kwame won that year too, and I didn't vote for that scumbag either!

So, I'm gonna put a little muscle and a little effort into this campaign and for better or worse, I feel good about my contribution. Maybe this is the magic sprinkle of fairy dust needed to secure that the next president isn't a warmonger millionaire who doesn't know how many houses he owns...but someone who actually inspires me and many others and gives me a little hope about the future.

And for all 3 of you that read my blog, you too can help out! Just go to www.vademocrats.org or Obama for America.

Wednesday - Laundry Day!

2008-08-13T07:53:00.001-07:00

Since I've been back, I've had this strange, early morning motivation to GET SHIT DONE around the house. I came home with quite a few boxes left from the move, including the entire media room, which houses all 1500 of our books, 2000 CD's, 1000 Records, plus the dvd's, vhs, cassettes and other bullshit we simply can't seem to part with. Not to mention, the weeds in my backyard were taller than me and the mountain of laundry is only growing.

Saturday and Sunday, I finished unpackign my offfice and some random boxes here and there. Monday we knocked out the Media Room. It's a hodge podge of unmatching bookshelves and random cheap Ikea or garbage picked storage systems for all this stuff. There's a couple chairs in there and Xian will hook up the turntable to the house stereo system and it will be rockin' good!

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 am, on my own, which is completely unheard of. Did the earth have a polar shift? Was there some strange celestial alignment that caused this bizarre twist of the universe? I popped out of bed, made coffee, doused myself with insect repellent and started working immediately on the backyard (which was a total mosquito and god knows what else infestation). I used hedge clippers to chop down all the tall weeds (which were more like trees), and thousands of bugs scattered away. I went to Lowe's for rakes and gloves and even went to the post office (more on that later). I woke X up around 10 and we went out there and hauled so much ass, I cannot even describe the power of our awesome yard-cleaning force! In a few hours, we cleaned the entire yard, which makes it look twice as big! I even hung my ugly cow bird feeder and put in some tiki torches!! The only thing we have left to do is move a pile of random bricks back there into the designated "why the fuck do we have all these random bricks" zone. We kept the back corner a little over grown and kept the hay that's there around because that seems to be where Wilson likes to poop. And I won't mess with that.

After all that work, I listed 40 books for sale on Amazon, browsed Craigslist for patio furniture (I think I'll pickup a table, four chairs and umbrella today for $50!), I made dinner, watched gymnastics (poor Alicia!) and drank a lot of beer. It was a super-productive day!

But today, I really have to just commit myself to laundry. I mean, it's really disgusting in my bedroom, especially when you think some of the clothes in that pile is from before we moved here! I have this eerie dejavu feeling that when I start to sort the clothes, bugs will scatter like they did in the backyard.

Not sure which laundro-mat to use, but if it has WIFI, I'll be in less of laundry hell!

Finally, couple quick happy references: hung out with Kelly and Jason, they gave me a PED EGG (it's kind of weird) and Kelly hooked me up with a day out for lunch at the Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens (for my birthday). They rock. Met up with Josh, Jenn, and Belinda for dinner at Su Casa. Awesome. Mira is safe in Detroit. Heather is still a bitch. Wilson is acting more normal. Found out yesterday my very amazing and wonderful friend from Detroit, Beth B. is moving here to Richmond in October! And my mom is coming to visit this weekend so we can plan out some of our business for the future visits to Hungary and the film we're going to make.

Now, if this motivation and positive forward moving train can keep steam through next week and well into the upcoming (gulp) semester, I'll be thrilled.

Last note: I went to the post office yesterday as well and sent a care package to Mira, but also, I sent a thank you card to Barbara Nebehej, the woman who provided all the information about my Grandmother's grave, including Agoston's phone number and address. In the card, I wrote a 3 page letter to her, describing how her acts of kindness to a random stranger opened so many doors and possibilities, more than I could have ever imagined. I hope she doesn't have too hard of a time reading a letter in English, but it will at least be good practice, as she told me takes English lessons. Either way, what's most important is that she is somehow aware of that her kindness has had a profound effect on my life and the life of my family. Cheers to Barbara!

Last day, Candida's Wedding and Back Home

2008-08-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

The last night in Budapest (Thursday night) was a wine binger and a romantic wedding. Dear Dani and Sweet Candida got married at the Kiado and exhanged hand-made rings. It was lovely. I was the witness, the photographer and the priest. And the best-man and the maid of honor. And the wedding drunk. All of these things are essentials on "that special day." I'm glad I could fulfill so many roles and at the same time, gulp down copious amounts of wine at my favorite bar in Budapest.

I only slept about 3 hours before I shared my last breakfast with my friends and it was really really sad to say goodbye. It was also really really sad to wake up still intoxicated from the night before...but I mean, how many weddings am I going to celebrate in Europe?

The ride home was rough, but I made an American friend at the Ferihegy airport. Amy, from New York. We were both hungover and both desperate to get home. Nice to have a comrade in my suffering.

I got home late last night, about 11:30 PM (5:30 AM Budapest time!) and I was so happy to see Christian!! Once we got home, there was Wilson and he totally jumped all over me, whimpering, yelping, freaking out. It was great.

So, now I'm home and even after a good night of sleep, I'm exhausted. Thus, this blog is a bit lame and not the kind of post-European retrospective I had planned. I guess in time, that will come. Today, I plan to eat, rest, watch movies, try to unpack and slowly acclimate to life back home, in a new house, still half boxed up and messy. Not to mention, I have to somehow get the courage to wash 3 weeks of dirty clothes from trip! Having no washer/dryer in the house, this too will be a kind of epic adventure. Also, after weeks of strong espressos and capuccinos, it's easy to gulp a pot of American coffee - I'm about half done with this morning's brew.

For now, enjoy the wedding and pinball pics that I promised and thanks for reading.

Aug. 7 - Last night in lovely Budapest

2008-08-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

Last night, all I had energy for was dinner and sleep. We went to a decent cafe by the Ernst museum, but had the biggest bitch for a waitress. She was horrible! She rolled her eyes at us, hurried us through our meal, forgot everything, huffed and puffed when I ask for a take-out box (which I had to ask for twice) and then while sweet Marlene broke down the bill (because their credit card machine was down) she hovered behind Marlene and unbeknownst to our dear Portuguese friend, shot eye-daggers from her bitch-face all over Marlene's back! So here's Marlene, counting, adding, doing all the math, while this woman just stands there. She's so engrossed in working out the bill she doesn't even notice the woman, which I think forged a protective shield from the evil gushing out of her...and we're all snickering and laughing and just wondering, don't you have something better to do with your time than breathe down our necks? Candida hadn't even finished eating yet! Too much.

I declined to go out and crashed early. I gave Hannah a hug goodbye and very early this morning, she was gone, on her way back to Boston. I awoke alone and very sweaty from a feverish sleep, but I think I broke my fever and I feel much better today. My big apartment/hotel room is empty except for a few stray things like Hannah's peanut butter and the silverware we nicked from the breakfast room. Patricia, who came with a suitcase in a suitcase (since she came from New York and had to transport some art), left me with her extra suitcase and a few of her things to ship to her and it's good that I have it! After buying a new tripod and 3 days worth of new clothes, plus all the other shit I've acquired on the journey, I barely have room for everything! I am going to be so screwed at customs.

Today, I had coffee and breakfast with Candida and made plans with she, Marlene and Lana for dinner. It's our last night together and I'm really sad! Though I don't feel like I'm in top shape, I do feel like yesterday's bout of doing absolutely nothing has bought me some time to go out tonight and enjoy my last evening in Budapest.

So, this will be my last blog here...I'll take some time to reflect in a little more of a sophisticated and intellectual way when I get home and don't have a fever anymore.

I took a jaunt over the West End mall to look for last minute gifts and something for Xian. I wasn't every successful in finding anything for him (I had something very specific in mind). But as I was walking back to the Medosz, I popped into this little shop and assembling a great all-Hungarian gift for him.

But, while I was the mall, I turned the corner and couldn't believe my eyes! SIX PINBALL MACHINES AT THE ARCADE!!! I thought, do I dare? And yes, I accepted the challenge. I played 3 out of the six machines: Sopranos, Shrek and Indiana Jones. It was AWESOME. I kicked ass! Free game here, match there. Cheap too! 3 games for 200 Forints! So, I spent 1000 forints and walked away, happy and relaxed. So funny that all the games in the arcade are all in English and all the Pinball machines are totally based on American pop-culture (the others were Wheel of Fortune, Spiderman and Pirates of the Caribbean. The Indiana Jones had an EIGHT BALL multiball - that was too crazy! I have pics, but haven't uploaded them...soon...

Tonight we'll go to a gallery opening at 6:30, then dinner, then some laughs and goodbyes and fun at the Kiado, and likely more fun after that. I don't care that I feel like crap today. I have to have fun and just ignore the body aches and enjoy this last night out with my new friends in this amazing city.

Aug. 6th - Exhibition inand getting sick

2008-08-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

Last night was the grand finale of the Residency, our long-anticipated exhibition at the Mucius Gallery here in Budapest. Beata hired a traditional four-piece band from Transylvania to play at the event. They set up on the sidewalk and the music created a really cool vibe for the exhibition. A lot of people came, about 60 or more, including my wonderful Hungarian family!

Hannah and I shared the glory of wearing Patricia's Chain Bridge, but I think it looked better on her than on me. I really like my hair-do last night and think that I looked pretty cute! I think all the Medosz ladies are pretty fine...

All the wine and fruit disappeared and people seemed to respond really well to the show. I met a woman who works for the US Embassy and she was very interested in my story and my project. Very cool.

Afterwards, we went out for dinner and drinks. That was great as it was Holly's last night with us.

Today, I woke up with a fever and body aches and a sore throat and a cough. So, I guess it's safe to say that I'm sick. Perfect way to spend my last 2 days here.

I slept all day. Literally, I was up for a total of 2 hours today. It's just after 9 pm now and I'm at the corner tea house drinking some very delicious green tea. I think I broke my fever, but I'm still really achy and yucky feeling.

Tonight is Hannah's last night and tomorrow, it's just me, Lana, Candida and Marlene. I'll be all alone in my room! I'm hoping to hit up the sauna at the Szechenyi bath and burn out the last of the fever and yuck in my body. I was supposed to spend a part of the evening with Agoston and Erzsebet, but I'm worried about getting them sick! So, unfortunately, we cancelled. But this isn't the end of our relationship, it's just the beginning!

I want to enjoy my last day in Budapest and just have to push through being sick. I'll be sick on the plane and when I get home...gotta fight for one last great day in Hungary!

That's all I've got for today. Wish I was more lively, but I'll safe it for tomorrow.

Aug. 3 - Installation and ROCKTOGON

2008-08-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was BUSY. After a super late night out with Candida and Daniel and an intense amount of red wine consumed, I awoke fuzzy-headed and a little bit dumb. I had to reprint one of my images for the exhibition and walked all the way to the print shop without my disc! So I turned around, walked back, met up with Marlene, and we went back to the shop. Then the guy printed my image on PAPER, not photo Paper, so I had to go back a THIRD time. Just as I was re-framing the image and cleaning the frames, Beata swoops in like a storm and the day of installation of all our art work at the Mucius Gallery begins.

We were there for a few hours, helping out, but Mucius hired a professional installer to hang all the pieces, which was pretty convenient. Patricia couldn't seem to find a decent place to hang her long crocheted (with plastic and wire) piece inspired by the Chain Bridge, and all the while she's been making it, I've been calling it a pacsmina - it really looked wearable. Resigned not the exhibit the piece, I asked if I could wear it during the exhibition! And she was delighted! So, I'll be the walking exhibition of the show, the Hungarian girl wearing the Chain Bridge and I'm very honored!

Later, we met with Beata for dinner on the Buda side and had a lovely evening with great food, great wine and great conversation. It was the last night all of us were together as Patricia left for home at 5 am this morning. She's missing the exhibition, which really sucks. But I've promised her lots of pictures!

After dinner, we dashed to the tram to avoid the light rain. Again, I forget my umbrella, so on the way out of the restaurant, I grabbed a Metro newspaper and fashioned a lovely rain-blocker tent over my head. Patricia asked me "Are you cold?" and I said, straight as can be, "Why no, this Hungarian newspaper keeps me both warm and dry." For some reason, this just came like I was a walking advertisement for the miracle that is the Hungarian newspaper and its versatile uses! It's not just newspaper anymore, it's an urban necessity! A giggle-fest ensued.

Once back, we futzed around looking for a less smoky place to have a last drink with Patricia. I had noticed this bar around the corner from us when I first got here, called ROCKTOGON. Though a stone's throw from our hotel, we'd never ventured there, it just looks so bad! A total metal bar. Like Harpo's or something. And This may not seem HILARIOUS at first, but our neighborhood is called Oktogon and the play on words is an irresistable invitation for a million bad rock jokes and puns of our own. Did we dare test the power of such a formidable sounding rock bar? Were we rockin' enuff for this place? It was Patricia's last night in town and she voted that yes, indeed, we rock enuff. Right as we're walking past Kiado, Marlene says real loud, "Let's go to Rocktogon!" and the guy in front of us turns around and stares at us in horror. And to our horror, it's the bartender at Kiado that's a real hard-case. We call him "Meanie." And we were so unbelievably embarrassed - usurping our usual Kiado for ROCKTOGON and then going public with it is a CONTROVERSIAL and DANGEROUS social move! We had no choice then but to stay to true our rockin' selves and boldly go to the home of heavy metal in Budapest.

Laughing our asses off, we entered ROCKTOGON and were sorely disappointed. This place doesn't rock! At least not on Mondays. It was silent and empty! But the beer was super cheap and we were left alone. Literally, because there was only one other group of people in the whole bar - young kids listening to a radio they brought in and singing along to Linkin Park and Creed. THEY ROCK! The decor was a kick-ass supply of posters of Pink Floyd, Iron Maiden and equivalent versions of Hungarian rock bands. We just laughed and laughed the whole time there and got the bartender to take our photo, showing off our versions of the Jesus-Gang-Gesture meets the Rock-On-Devil-Horns.

As you walk in to ROCKTOGON, there's a wall of fame. Signed press photos of no one I recognize. Some of the frames were empty. Methinks it would be a great idea to take a ROCK photo of us, sign it, and install it in the ROCKTOGON. That would rock!

I woke up today, alone in my room. I miss Patricia! Almost everyday she got up before me, but when I'd wake up she'd say "Good morning, dear" and we'd plan our day ahead. I really loved having her as my roommate! Now I'm all alone!

After breakfast I ventured out, in search of a dress for tonight's opening. I had every intention of splurging on something grand for myself. After a few hours of bullshit and no luck and nothing fitting and one guy saying at a boutique "We only carry 38's here" (as in "beat it, fat-ass, no couture for you!", I decided to come back to the Medosz. So, it's the same old black dress I've worn 3 times already here. Which is fine, all I wanted was a black dress anyways - since I'll be exhibiting the Chain Bridge tonight and that's the real piece-de-resistance.

A couple hours to go until the opening and I'm not really nervous. I'm not entirely thrilled about my photos, but they're pretty good and it's quite an honor to have a show in Budapest. Beata put a price of 75,000 forints for all six pieces, I'd be quite a lucky girl if they sold! My awesome Hungarian family is coming and it will be an exciting night for all of us. For now though, I'm just going to relax, enjoy an espresso and a glass of wine and mentally prepare for the challenge of being a walking art piece!

August 2nd - Out with Agoston, Erzsebet and Zsuzsa

2008-08-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

This is yesterday and today's blog, as I was too exhausted and emotionally drained to sit down and write about the day last night....

Agoston, Erzsebet and her cousin, Zsuzsa picked me up right at 10 am yesterday morning and we headed out to Godollo. There was a traffic back-up because of the the Formula 1 racing shit happening in Budapest this weekend, but at least we were in a nice air-conditioned Peugeot. Zsuzsa acted as interpretor, she's Erzsebet's cousin and she was great. We got along right away and I think she must have done a fine job translating as Agoston and Erzsebet laughed at my silly jokes!

We arrived at the Kiraly Castle Museum, built in 1733 and purchased by Queen Erzsebet and the royal family in 1867. The palace, which had been sacked in WWI, WWII and by the Commies, is only about half restored and most of the original furniture, art and relics are stolen or missing. Much of the material in the museum is on loan from other museums or re-created in the style of the time. But it was really quite breathtaking and in no way "unroyal." You couldn't take photos inside, but I snuck a few here and there!

Then we headed out another 60 km to Holloko, a true Hungarian village with an amazing castle ruin at the top of large hill. We walked all through the village, stopping in the shops and ate a huge meal at the super charming old-timey Hungarian restaurant. This was like a the Hungarian version of the Shire. While at dinner, Agoston gave me a gold chain and gold crucifix that belonged to my great-grandmother. It was a very teary and emotional exchange. I'm going to give this to my mom. They also gave me a few more copies of family photos and promised more to come.

I napped on the drive back and felt a little ill when I returned. A long day in the sun, with more tears and more joy and the difficulties of language...but I wouldn't trade the time with them for anything in the world.

Later, all of us girls went to the Chain Bridge with some cute Dutch boys that Candida and Marlene snared the night before and we hung out on the bridge, overlooking the Danube. Every Saturday, they close this bridge and there's a ton of food, beer, vendors and music. It's like Dally in the Alley, but every weekend of the summer and on a huge beautiful bridge. The breeze was intoxicating. It was the first time my body had cooled off in days. We sat around and simply enjoyed the beauty of Budapest, suspended above the river, surrounded by the huge lions and tons of people and great vibes from all directions.

I returned to find some tragic news about my brother-in-law's family and woke up today with the oppressive feeling of homesickness all over me. It's worse than the heat. Since I've been gone, Christian's stepfather Warren passed away, Belinda's dad passed away, and now Tobie's brother, David. And as much as I love it here and want to come back and live here, these terrible events have really made me miss my friends and my home and my dog and my boyfriend and my cats and my family. I miss Christian's face and his voice. I miss Wilson's sweetness. If I move here, I'll desperately need to transport these elements of my life here with me or I won't make it.

But, I'm coming home on Friday and just have to push through this melancholy. A day of ennui isn't the worst thing in the world and I plan on going to the Szenchenyi baths a little later on to swim away the blues.

So, right now, Candida and I are back at Kiado, our home away from home, and because Daniel loves her (who wouldn't love this girl?) we've been treated to some fresh watermelon and the kindest, friendliest service we get in town. This place is a true gem - like the Cass Cafe (the likes of which I haven't found a replacement for in Richmond).

Aug 1 - Ludwig, Gellert and the long walk home...

2008-08-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

The ladies of room 608 (Patricia, Hannah, Holly) and I headed out early to the Ludwig Museum, a little jaunt down the southern Pest side. The museum is a modern marvel. Sumptuous space and architecture, but lousy cappuccino! We started on the third floor which houses the permanent collection. Among the Picasso's, Roschenberg's, Warhols and many famous male Hungarian artist's in the collection are TWO Beata Szechy's! It was so nice to see the work of our lovely mentor and friend in such a prestigious museum. She's one of the only women in the permanent collection - what a shame. But her pieces were FANTASTIC and I am very happy that I got the chance to see her art.

On the second floor, there's a temporary retrospective exhibit of Braco Dimitrijevic, which was very intelligent, yet sarcastic and humorous in many ways. From photos to installations, the work was really conceptual and inspiring. I particularly liked seeing him as a young man - great hair, great clothes, great art! I would love to pick his brain over coffee and cigarrettes.

Holly and I didn't make it to the Simon Starling exhibit on the first floor, because we were a bit overloaded by then and spent our time in the museum bookstore. I bought a hungarian cookbook, a calendar for my mom and a book of matches for my collection.

Next, we headed out to for a lite lunch and on to the Gellert Baths. It was a little expensive, but totally worth it! We swam in the outdoor thermal baths, both the hot and cool ones, then went to the indoor baths and did the same. The water was amazing. It really felt therapeutic and relaxing. The place is like a resort/palace and I didn't want to leave!

Unfortunately, we made the mistake of walking back from the baths. This was a really bad idea. The walk was way too far after a long day out and being tired from swimming. I'm really sore and bit cranky now. All that refreshment out the window!

So, I'm back at Kiado doing my obligatory blog. It's a good regiment thought - with just a few nights left here in lovely Budapest, I want to keep all my memories alive and fresh as they happen.

I have a ton of pics on the camera, but didn't unload them yet. More to come!

Tomorrow, I'll spend the day with my cousin Agoston and his wife Erzsebet. Fortunately, since we don't speak each other's languages, they are bringing an interpreter for the day. We are going outside of Budapest to Godollo, a castle village about 25 km away. They're picking me up at 10 am, so tonight will be an early night. I hope I sleep better than last nite - it's so HOT here and of course, as mentioned before, no AC! A cold shower is about the only thing I look forward to right now.

July 31 - Golden Birthday

2008-07-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

Today was the best hangover day of Budapest. Candida and I stayed out very late and added whisky to our drink menu. We hung out at Kiado well after they closed and Daniel, our favorite bartender gave us free beer for my birthday!

I slept in, missing breakfast, but took myself out to a little fancy cafe for coffee and a sandwich. Then Patricia and I tried to go the Hungarian National Museum and like morons, we completely missed our turn for it and walked totally out of our way and completely around the enormous building. I don't know how we totally got lost and didn't see the huge fucking museum with the largest columns in Budapest, but leave it to me to pull something so ridiculous. So that's our joke: we walked "all around" the museum. By the time we got to it, we were exhausted from the heat and the unexpected journey and decided to forgo the museum for espressos and lemonade. Then I took a nap. Got up, checked email and came back to the hotel to find Beata and all the girls at the hotel cafe and they had a cake and a gift for me! EThey got me the cutest tote/purse and it's so handy. Wish I'd had it weeks ago! I can fit a lot of stuff in it and it's adorable. That was really kind of all of them to think of me and be there to celebrate my birthday. I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of women to work and enjoy Budapest with! I mean, on what planet do seven women, all from diverse backgrounds and of a broad age range get together and kind of instantly become friends? Planet Medosz! We have an idea for a little funny video of all us to give to Beata as a gift when we leave...

Extra special for me today was that we had a new waiter for lunch at the Cafe. Gabor. Damned good looking man.

We went to the big gallery open-house event by Parliament tonight. About 25 galleries and antique shops opened up and we stopped in and saw a lot of contemporary Hungarian art - mostly painting but some sculpture and phtotography too. There was an incredible antique collection at a place called Pinket Antik. The place was a massive labyrinth of some of the most beautiful furniture and pieces I have ever seen.

Next thing we know, it starts to rain and we got totally stuck in it! We tried to stop at a couple restaurants for cover and some dinner, but seems everyone in Budapest had the same idea! So we made our way back to the hotel and changed out of our wet clothes and all went out to dinner together at Ferenc Joszef Cafe, right by the Ernst Museum. I ate the Beef Goulash, it was delicious, but I'm so full right now that I feel a bit barfy!

So, that's my birthday. It's been lovely and I'm so touched by all the sweet birthday wishes sent via email, myspace, facebook and text today!

It'll be an early night tonight, especially after last nights debauchery and tonight's overfill of spicy beef. Tomorrow, we head to the Ludwig Museum and the Gellert Bath. It will be another day off, afterall.

July 30 - Last day of 30

2008-07-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up today, hot and sweaty and restless from a turbulent night of nightmare-filled sleep and anxiety. I'm thinking too much about the exhibition next week and my proposed pieces for the show. I met with Candida and Marlene for breakfast, got my pieces together and headed to the print show to have my photos printed. The lady at the shop spoke a little english, but she seemed very annoyed with us in general. No matter, she printed my 12 images and they looked great (expect for one scratched one, which she reprinted right away). I got the work home and thought, fuck, half of these look like garbage. Not exhibition pieces at all. Total CRAP.

So, I've narrowed down my project from 9 images to 6. I'm doing a triptych - 2 sets of three images each. The first set is of non-human hands - close ups from sculpture, shot in such a way that the sculpture itself remains unknown and each represent different aspects of Hungarian history and culture: tyranny, understanding and hope. The second set brings in the human element, where hands and fingers connect or try to connect with the world around them, representing portals/doorways, knowledge and identity. I'm not sure what kind of price tag to put on these, but since we are exhibiting at a very fine gallery here in Budapest, I don't think it would be unheard of to ask $1000 for each set. I'd be happy with $50. Shit, I'd actually be happy with $5.

When I got back from the print shop, however, I was still riddled with nerves and fortunately, my roommate Hannah offered to trip the images so they would fit in the frames. My hands were so sweaty and shaky that I didn't dare even touch the prints. I paced, I hovered, I probably drove her a bit crazy, but she was so calm and it helped me calm down. I'm such a wreck when it comes to exhibiting shit. I don't have a fine arts background and haven't matted a photo in 10 years. I don't know the first thing about exhibitions except handing someone a fucking dvd or minidv tape. And since I nixed the idea of editing a film here awhile back, well...I had to delve into other forms of exhibition that I'm not accustomed to. But, isn't that what Residencies are about?

Later, I ate a terrible lunch with leathery beef and too many dumplings. This was the first lunch of the Residency where the food was not very good. Everyday we get traditional Hungarian dishes served to us at the hotel cafe - it's free and part of the Residency. We never miss a free lunch! But today...of all days, when I needed something delicious to take my mind of my stress, today is the day I get served a shoe for lunch.

Then I took a nap and awoke drenched in sweat. It's so hot and muggy here, and of course, unlike in hot-ass Virginia or steamy Detroit, there's no AC to cool you off. And no fans in our hotel bedrooms.

After that, I went to an art opening with the girls and it was bad. Real bad. The best part about it is that it made me feel like my work is pretty good after all!

So, today is the last day of 30. Tomorrow I'll be 31 on the 31st. My lucky birthday! I'm taking the day off for some seriously needed rest and relaxation. I'll go to the Szechenyi baths, get a pedicure and head out with everyone to the 25 or so gallery openings happening near Parliament. Then out to dinner. It will be great! A new beginning!

Friday, I'll get back to work on my film research. I need to shoot more of the 1956 memorial sites, prominent locations and areas of activity. I might even get a chance to take on of the day trips I planned out of Budapest to places where my mom was born, where she grew up, where her dad was born, etc...But tomorrow, tomorrow I relax!

I might even get a tattoo of the Hungarian flag...let's see how adventurous I'm feeling!

July 29 - Day out with Beata

2008-07-29T08:27:00.001-07:00

I'm exhausted. It's very hot and sunny here today and we spent the day outdoors and going to museums and galleries in and out of Budapest. Beata, her daugher, Arpad and Max came to pick us up around 9:30 and we headed out of Pest and into Buda and then on to Szentendre.

Our first stop was at the incredible ruins of the Roman coliseum. Amidst modern buildings and houses, cars and busy streets, there's this fabulous portal into thousands of years ago. The cage areas that held wild beasts for battle with Gladiators are still in tact. I could really imagine thousands of Romans watching as a man gets a mauled to death by a tiger. I picked up a few loose pebbles from the area to put in my garden.

Our next stop was the Kiscell Museum/Budapest History Museum. It was once a monastery, then a school and now houses an exquisite permanent collection of modern day relics, cultural material and art of all kinds. We oooohhed and ahhhhed at every turn. Each room, even without the art and artifacts were themselves breathtaking. All of the pieces were about Hungary, Budapest and created by national artists. I'm wondering if my great-uncle might have a painting or two in some of these museums? The old church is a massive structure that houses some contemporary work. And while I wasn't so hot on the work, per se, I was very intrigued by the juxtaposition of the aged architecture and the modern pieces presented there.

Next, we headed out of town into Szentendre, this charming, truly European village on the Danube. While a little bit touristy, there's tons of shops, cafes, galleries, museums and restaurants tucked into little nooks and niches and some beautiful jewelry, clothes and art at every stop. While there, we went to the Serbian Orthodox church and the church musuem, which was really lovely and complex. We all commented on the hand gestures of the clergy in the paintings - sort of like holy gang signs. We stopped for lunch at Erzebet Etterem and I had some delicious hortobagyi palacintas. They are so rich and satisfying, that I immediately wanted a nap. I fell in love with this black dress from one of the shops, but simply couldn't part with 13000 forints. We tried to visit the Artist's Residency there, where 28 artists live and work and have a gallery, but poop, the gallery was closed.

And after that, we were pretty pooped ourselves. Out in the sun for hours, taking in all the art, architecture, history and culture was pretty intense! And there was so much more to do and see there, but it was unanimous that we head back to Pest for a little rest. I took a short nap and now I'm awake, but still quite tired. It will likely be an early night for me!

I have about 25-30 shots for the gallery show and I need to narrow it down to nine, plus, I have to get my work printed tomorrow so I can matte and frame everything by this weekend.

On Saturday, I'll be spending the day with my Hungarian family - Agoston and Erzsebet. I wrote them an email, using totally horrible Hungarian pronunciation and grammer, but they got the gist of it and Beata is helping us translate with one another. They wrote me the nicest note back, which Beata translated for me and I must share it:

"Dear Kristine! You have surprised us with your Hungarian letter. We are so sorry that we cannot write in English. I hope someone will translate to you. We would like to take you somewhere for a family trip on Saturday. Tomorrow we will talk with Beata, maybe she can help. We love you very much, our little sweet girl! Good night, see you. Agoston and Erzsebet."

So, I'll spend the day with them on Saturday and head to Beata's afterwards for tea. It will be interesting trying to communicate beyond language barriers, but I think it would be tragic if I let this be a deterrent and didn't spend as much time with them as a I can.

That's today. It's been a busy one.

July 28 and stuff

2008-07-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

The gypsy flea market was forgone for a trip to Ikea. Holly and I headed out with Beata, who thankfully stayed with us and drove us to a tram stop by Farkasreti cemetery, so I knew the way home. Otherwise, we'd likely be lost trying to catch the right bus from out in nowwheresville back to Budapest!

But, both of us found the kinds of frames we were looking for. I bought nine, small 2.5 inch x 2.5 inch square frames, gunmetal in color.

After breakfast this morning, I laid down and thought long and hard about what my project will be for the gallery. I have over 2000 photos and five video tapes worth of material to pilfer from - all mine, all original. But I needed a theme. And I was in love with one of my shots from the Memento park, actually, quite a few of them, where hands were part of the scenery. So I mulled about this...hands. Reaching out. Touching. Connecting. Traversing time and space, holding on or letting go. Moving beyond language and national boundaries -- a tactile response to History, Society, Culture, love and loss.

I went through my raw video and found many shots of hands as well. Hands of artist's working (my roommates, who I shot while in the middle of their processes - drawing, designing, crocheting), my hand as I put my ticket in the tram validator, the gypsy homeless women smoking, the hands of Barbara from Kerepesi as she passed the paper on to me with Agoston's name, phone number and address.

I pitched my concept and ideas to Beata and showed her a few of the photos I had collected so far. She was very receptive and positive and loved the idea. And so, I've figured it out. All my random ideas and thoughts and experiences collected into 9 shots, all encompassing different ways of REACHING OUT.

With that confirmed, I suddenly felt really excited and motivated about the gallery pieces, which are separate entities from the film project. I simply had to keep these two projects distinct. The weight and difficulty of trying to edit a short piece right now is like trying to master the Hungarian language in just a few days! Impossible! But I think this idea has a strong conceptual base and I really feel like many of the images I've acquired are "high art" and have the potential to sell. We'll see!

Today, we went for lunch at the huge market (which eclipses even Eastern Market by volumes!) and enjoyed stuffed cabbage rolls, sauerkraut and I had an espresso. I noticed in the menu that they had Lecso! (Letcho). So I bought a container of it for dinner tonight, to see how it differs from the version my mom made while growing up and that I make all the time for Christian and I. We love it so much I have to make it twice a month! I can't wait to be hungry again so I can eat it up! Also picked up 3 kinds of paprika to bring home and lovely grey wool shawl. And wine, yum!

Of course, on our way to the market, we find the elusive thrift/antique store I've been looking for all along...and OF COURSE, they have antique frames at a reasonable price. Still I wouldn't have been able to afford more than 2 or 3 for the price of the mini-frames I got at Ikea.

Tomorrow, we spend the day with Beata going to the artist's colony and visiting their studios and work spaces. This should be great!

Agoston emailed my mom and she's overwhelmed with emotion - laughter, tears, joy. I know, I feel the exact same way myself. We have tentative plans for her to come down to Richmond a week or so after I get back from Budapest and spend a few days planning the future and a way for her to reunite with her family.

Life is beautiful, isn't it?

Memento Park

2008-07-27T09:54:00.001-07:00

Today, Patricia, Hannah and I made the long trek out to Memento Park, on the outskirts of Buda. You have to take the metro, catch a bus to the bus station, then catch another bus that gets you to the park. Takes about 30 minutes to get there, but it was totally worth it!

The park is home to many of the old Communist propaganda monuments, statues and plaques that were placed in various public spaces in Hungary, many in Budapest. Rather than destroying them once the Commies got the fuck out and Hungary was free (about 1989 - 1993), the new government commissioned the park as a place where the memory of the regime and it's bullshit would never be forgotten. And the art is stunning - bronze, marble, metal, stone in a very open and informal and yet beautiful environment. It's not stuffy like a gallery - I felt that I could really engage with the sculpture in a different than if it were indoors or in some public square. We had a blast posing like Communists in front of the statues (dorky, I know, but totally fun!). The old favorites like Lenin, Stalin and Bela Kuhn are all over the place, plus statues of hard-working communist men in various states of military or social service - all exhibiting strength, endurance and loyalty to the party. Of course! We found very few representations of women in the park. About 5 in the whole place - and one was a goddess and the others were little girls. Only one adult female, and you'd hardly notice her, as she is flanked by dozens of men in the huge metal sculpture where she resides. So, maybe our little funny shots are more of political/feminist comment than we even imagined...

The park also has actual-size replicas of the boots of the 6 meter statue of Stalin that was dragged through Budapest and destroyed during the 1956 Revolution.

Going to the park was really good for me, because after yesterday's emotional rollercoaster, I needed something outside of myself and to take my mind off of the heavy things. I woke up today and started to cry again. I dragged myself to breakfast, ate a little bit, then went back up to my room and cried some more. Then I laid down and slept another 2 hours. But when I awoke (looking like a puffy, red faced and swollen rendition of myself) I took a shower and we headed out. I really enjoy the company of all my fellow Residency mates and I love that we share many of our experiences together and have all become fast friends.

So, now after going to the park, and shooting about 200 photos, I might use some of these for my project as well. There's a few I'm really happy with in terms of composition, color and angle and I think a few shots of the old regime will fit well with the project's themes.

Tomorrow we head to the "gypsy" flea market, but if I don't score some frames there, I'm gonna have to go the Ikea route, much as I find that unpleasant. But time is ticking and I have to produce some work for this show, and I just don't feel that cutting a video of my footage is appropriate at this time. I'm too close to it and I need some space from what I've collected to figure out how to arrange the pieces. I also have to write narration of the story, which will just me cry a hundred times more than I already have...and right now isn't the time for tears. Right now, I have to work and get my shit together for the Residency show.

But, here's some pics from the park, and shot of the flowers my cousin Agoston gave me.

My Hungarian Family

2008-07-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Today might be one the most fulfilling, insightful and emotional days of my life. This is not hyperbole. This is the truth!

Beata came to meet me around 4 pm. We walked over to the cafe, it's across the street from the Opera house on Andrassy, called Muvesz Kavezo and waited. Beata was out of cigarrettes, so she ran to get some. Just as she does so, I see the big man with the moustache, his wife and a younger woman. It's them. They look around. They see me and it's immediate -- we're family.

We hug, we kiss, we all tear up. Like real tears, the kind you simply can't hold back and don't feel bad about letting go. They brought me flowers and flowers for Beata too. We kiss and hug some more. We can't stop looking at each other. Agoston and I have the same blue eyes.

Agoston is big, but not fat at all. He's 55. Tall and thick, but in no way fat. Just very big. His wife, Erzebet (Elizabeth) is lovely. So beautiful. They brought their daughter, Clari, she's my age and very pretty and spoke a little english. Beata returns and we all sit down. My camera rolls.

They brought with them a package of photos and letters and certificates of birth, death and marriage. Every photo made me cry. My hand shook as I picked them up. A new batch of fresh tears every single time. There's pictures of my grandma, Valeria, so young and so unbelievable pretty. Her sister, Margit, 5 years older than her, another knock-out. This is Agoston's mother. He's my mother's cousin, so he's my first cousin, once removed. He and Erzebet have 3 children, and 5 grandchildren (two of which are still in the womb!)

There's photos of my grandfather, Istvan Martonhegyi, so handsome and young. Strong. A true Hungarian freedom-fighter. There's photos of my mother, from ages 4 through 17. Pictures of my mom's brother, my uncle Peter, from 3 - 16 years old. Pictures of my grandfather when after he came to America and his new wife, Christa, my Oma (whom my mother did not get along with, and you can see it in the photos!)

There's letters my grandmother wrote her own mother, that Beata translated and read to me. In one she said "I'm so very ill and think I will die soon."

There's letters my grandfather Istvan wrote to his deceased wife's family back in Hungary. About once a year, based on the post marks. Some Christmas cards, often with photos. To see their own handwriting is to see the history of my own strange and elegant cursive. He calls his in-laws "mother and father" and asks them to send him the sport section of the Hungarian newspapers. He gives little details about my mother and uncle Pete here and there. "Vali has a car now. Peter is working."

There's a photo of my great grandparents and their 3 children (Margit, Istvan and Valeria). It's like a portal back in time. To look at my great-grandfather's face is to see Agoston. To look at my great-aunt Margit is to see there daughter. To look at my grandma is to see me.

Beata did me such an incredible service by translating. She helped me so much, I can't think there's anything I can ever do to truly repay her. But I know she loves pastries, so she's going to get the BEST I can find in Budapest.

Agoston told me, with a red, tear-streaked face, that I have made him so happy by finding him and being here and it has changed his life. Both of us crying, we couldn't help but get up and hug and kiss each other some more. I could not agree more with those sentiments. My life is forever changed, for the better.

We talked of many things. How every weekend on Saturdays, he, his sister (Zsuzsa, who is now 57 and suffers badly from MS), his mother, Margit and Father, Agoston and my great-grandparents would meet at my grandmother's grave. Every Saturday for over ten years.

I asked how Agoston and Erzebet met. They asked about me and my mom (Vali). I talked about my sisters and all our accomplishments. And that I have a Polish father. And they laughed at that with good nature.

I told him the story my mom told me on the phone today. That one of her first memories is sleeping over at her grandparent's house, in the bed with them and they snored all night and frightened her!

We laughed, we cried, we got to know each other and communicated beyond the language barrier. This is only the first day we'll have with each other, the first meeting of many to come.

They invited mom and to stay with them when we come next year. I invited them to the US. I'm sure in our lives we'll cross the ocean many times to see each other.

There's no one else left. Everyone has passed except for Agoston and his sister. Agoston's children keep the Garai family name alive, but Kiraly and Martonhegyi are fewer and fewer. (Kiraly is Valeria and Margit's maiden names, Margit married into the Garai name). My great-grandmother was the last survivor of the older generation, she died at 91, having outlived all of her children and her husband.

Finally, they brought a photo of my grandmother for me to keep. And for this, my heart is full of emotion and gratitude, so much so that I can barely type through the tears. She is so lovely and amazing. I'm so sorry she died so young and that through her death, much of her/my family spread apart. But time is not something I will dwell upon or fixate over. The present is much more important and astonishing. Agoston and Erzebet met me, a stranger, with more compassion, kindness and care than I would have ever imagined. They said they would scan/copy all the photos/documents they have and even come to my art opening at Mucius Gallery, here in Budapest, on August 5th!

If I do nothing else this residency, my journey to find my grandmother's grave has been so incredibly fortunate and profound that I can live and sleep soundly even if my footage sucks and my life as an artist is in some limbo sphere. I came here to begin the research for my film, to find Valeria's grave and in return I have accomplished so much more. I found the family I never had, the family my mother lost and the family I will always know and love from this day forward.

Farkasreti Cemetery and Family news

2008-07-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

I took two Metro lines and one tram line to get to the Farkasreti Cemetery today. Only got lost once, but easily doubled back and got on the right tram. The cemetery is on the far side of Buda and was right there once I got off at the stop.

I knew which section to go to (30/2) and the plot number. But when I got there, I couldn't find a grave that said "Martonhegyi Istvanne" anywhere! Discouraged, I walked to the Information office, noticing a large amount of police and people arriving. The woman at information helped me a bit and told me the grave has the name "Garai Agostonne" on it. Hmmm...

So, I found that grave. This was originally my grandmother's grave, and I think Garai Agostonne was my grandmother's sister, and when she died, her family changed the headstone to only show her name. That's a little sad. But, I shot some video and left my flowers.

As I was leaving, I saw a large camera crew and followed them. I need a camera crew! But oddly enough, I wandered into the funeral service of Gyorgy Kolonics, the Olympic canoe/kayak winner and national sports hero who died last week of acute heart failure while training. I shot a lot of photos and video of what I could...the crowd grew exponentially while I was there, from a few hundred people to thousands of people. Young kids brought canoes to the memorial, everyone had a flower and a Hungarian flag ribbon. It was so surreal, to be looking for a specific grave and to stumble onto the funeral of some kind of Hungarian celebrity.

Then I made it back to the hotel, but bought some shoes along the way (as if I needed another big package to carry!)

When I got in my room, Patricia said "sit down." So, I sat down. She passed on the message that Beata got in touch with Garai Agoston and I am to meet with my second-cousin tomorrow at 5 pm! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! So I rushed to call Beata and she told me he is so excited to meet me, that he cried on the phone, had a million questions and I guess he has all the family records. He mentioned that in 1980, he removed my granmother's gravestone, because no one had come to visit her in 30 years. This solves the mystery of why it's there, but not there.

This is like a dream come true. I have never met any of my Hungarian relatives on my grandmother's side. Agoston is probably nearly 60 years old. He told Beata he's fat and has a moustache. I cried when I was on the phone with Beata too. I'm crying now, I can't help it.

In a year, when mom and I come back, she'll be able to meet with him and look through his files and likely see a photo of her mother. Because she doesn't have one, never has. And her face, the way she looks, is a only a faded memory from a long-ago childhood.

What a fucking amazing day.

July 24th and what I did today

2008-07-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

After yesterday's awesome research discoveries, I sat at my favorite bar and the German guys I met, Mario and Sebastian, came by and we had some drinks. Then Candida and Lana came by and joined us. Then we went to a couple more bars and I met some American's and Canadians and we chatted it up for awhile. I got sufficiently drunk enough to have a bit of a hangover today.

But I pushed through it and headed out to the city around 11. I had to buy a new data card for my camera (great, another expensive addition to an already expensive trip) and then I wandered around for a while looking for antique stores and photo printing shops. I'm looking for ornate, detailed wooden frames, the kind great paintings might be housed in and then I'm going to insert my modern photographic images into the frames. Depending on the size, I'd like to make 3 different pieces. The idea is that I'll juxtapose these modern images with the antique frames - as a comment on how I see Budapest and the culture in Hungary. I found a really fancy antique place that was asking 35,000 forints for one frame! That's crazy! So, I'll head to the flea market at City Park on Saturday, and if I'm not lucky there, there's another flea market on Monday by the airport (apparently run by some very tricky gypsies!) And if that fails, there's a framer who can make antique looking frames for me, but these will likely cost quite a bit.

So, I shot a lot more photos today. A lot of touristy stuff of architecture and buildings, but I got some interesting shots of Andrassy Utca, which looks a lot like it's about to explode into the next Rodeo Drive or 5th Avenue. There's Gucci and Armani and Guess stores in these incredibly old buildings. It's all very strange. This modern shift in Hungary's economy and culture seems to take away from the city, rather than enhance it. At least for me. One thing I'm glad about though, is that there's no fucking Wal-Mart here! And I hope there never is.

I made it over the US Embassy, which was a total security nightmare. I had to go through metal detector and hand over my phone, camera and iPod to the security guard. All this just to find out that I need to go to the Hungarian Consulate to acquire about citizenship.

Beata visited us today and she called the phone number I was given of the person who might be a family member, the one who paid the rent on the grave. There was no answer. But I gave her all my information, and she is going to try again for me tonight and tomorrow and help set a way that I can meet this person. Hopefully, they speak a little english...but if not, Beata said she'd join us for coffee and translate for me. This is huge...I've never met any of my Hungarian family, except the few who came with my mom in 57.

I'm shooting a lot less video than I anticipated, but tomorrow I will go to the correct cemetery and hopefully find my grandma. I am seriously going to have to come back with a crew, because I simply can't shoot all the things I'm doing.

Can't believe this is almost half over.

Farkasreti Cemetery

2008-07-23T10:14:00.001-07:00

This is where my grandmother is buried. Farkasreti Cemtery, in the Buda side of the Budapest.

How do I know? Well, I went back to Kerepesi today and met with a woman in the Information Office who spoke a little english and she made a million phone calls, let me videotape her while she did so, and she found all the information I needed. The story is incredible.

My grandmother died in 1957. Her side of the family paid for her grave. Graves leases "expire" and cease if not released every 25 years (that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard!) In 1980, a family member of her's, Gadai Agostonne, died, and was buried by her, thereby extending the lease on the grave (which would have expired in 1982). Then, another 25 years was added to the lease. So, in 2005, the grave expired again. My helper, Barbara, waiting for a call back, said, if it wasn't paid, it might not be there. If it is there, you can pay to keep it. It will only cost about 150,000 forints!

Well, then she gets a call back. And the grave was paid in 2005 by Garia Agostonne. She then gave me this persons phone number and address.

I think the person who died was my grandmother's sister. And I think the person who paid on the grave is one of her children, and this person lives in Budapest.

Barbara also gave me tram and metro directions to Farkasreti. She was so helpful, I teared up when I said goodbye to her.

So, the adventure keeps shifting and changing. Tomorrow, or the next day it DOESN'T RAIN ALL DAY, I'll head over there. I know the transportation system well enough now to feel comfortable getting there with all my equipment.

I'm also going to ask, Beata, my liaison, to translate a phone call to this person for me. Wow, I have goosebumps just thinking about it!

For now, I'm going to hang out with the cute German boys I met at Kiado Kocsma last night. Young and friendly, we're going to hit up a few bars.

No pics today, but a lot of progress in my research and quest to find my grandma's grave. I can't wait to bring her some flowers and tell her that my mom loves her.

July 22nd Pics - Buda, Danube and more

2008-07-22T11:19:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

Buda + Danube = Perfect

2008-07-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

Today, Holly, Hannah, Patricia and I walked our way to the Vivivaroszi gallery on the Buda side of the Danube. We left around noon and walked Andrassy until we hit St. Stephen's Basilica, where we simply had to go inside and enjoy its majestic splendor. The Basilica is named for St. Stephen, the first king of Hungary (975-1038), and his mummified fist is housed in the reliquary. I tried to get some shots of it, but with no flash, in a dark room, all you can really see is the case where the freaky mummy hand is. You can actually see the knuckles if you look close.

We crossed the Chain Bridge into Buda and walked towards the gallery, stopping frequently to ooooh and aaaaah at the gorgeous hills, castles, statues and architecture we passed along the way. The bridge itself is AMAZING. It's probably one of the most famous structures in the city. From the bridge, you can see both sides of Budapest, from Parliament to the hills. The river is wide and there's lots of tour boats and sailboats. The whole thing felt totally surreal and romantic - I'm inspired and feel like I know my way around Budapest pretty well now.

We finally made it to the gallery, where our work will show in 2009. The show that's up is all work from past A.I.R. residents, including my great friend, Belinda Haikes!

(who I miss like crazy!)

After the gallery, we went to Cafe Gusto and ate very delicious sandwiches. I had the best cappucino I've had here so far (the coffee at breakfast is always terrible...in fact, I'm convinced it's made with mud). Then Hannah and Patricia went to the bath house, and Holly and I ventured off on our own, taking our time on the walk back to cross the Margit bridge and spend a little time on Margit Island, a little island in the river --- not unlike Belle Isle in Detroit and Belle Isle in Richmond!

I came to some revelations today. More about the video project and about what I might do for my gallery piece for the residency. I was going to cut a short together but I think now I'll aim more towards photo. I'm going to look for an old, ornate frame at the flea market. Something that conjures up the baroque and detailed architecture of the city, but use a modern image to juxtapose the energy of Budapest. A city so full of lovely and incredible design, everywhere you look, but caught in a crossroads of modern expansion and capitalist development. I can't stop thinking about the ballet school housed on the second floor of the building riddled with bullet holes and war wounds. To me, that surmises Budapest. Beauty, elegance and grace surrounded by scars and pain. As the body pushes itself, the body of the dancers, they are still encapsulated in this war-torn shell, this shameful and horrible fate. Somewhere inbetween beauty and grotesque, this city pulses and physically, emotionally and spiritually thrives.

So, that might be my piece. It might not...

Tomorrow, I'm going back to the cemetery to *hopefully* track down where my grandmother's grave might have been moved to...

Patricia said she'd come with me. And just having one person by my side will make all the difference in the world.

I'm also going to go the US Embassy and see if I can get dual citizenship. Come November, if Obama doesn't win, I know where I'd like to defect to.

And last night...oh yeah! Last night! I met an American man who's lived here 11 years. His son had just been born the day before and he was celebrating. His wife is Hungarian, so they live here. He said it took him about 2 years to really learn and be comfortable with the language. He then told me he works in film/audio and worked on the audio for Hellboy 2. I have yet to confirm this, but he did tell me he'd be my best friend if I moved here. Cool.

And, I just met two fun Germans! Sebastian and Mario (huh, that name's not German!) Couple of youngin's! Adorable! They're from Dusseldorf...and of course, I think of Dana and my lost trip to Germany. Oh well. When I live in Budapest, next year perhaps, it's only an hour or so flight away.

Breakthrough

2008-07-21T09:44:00.001-07:00

My new roommate, Patricia, is just what I needed to pull me out of my funk. She's in her mid-thirties (i think) and she just arrived yesterday to the Residency. She does incredibly thoughtful installation pieces. Originally from Ecuador, she lives in Tennessee.

This morning, she and I figured out the tram/metro (subway) system and bought our passes. We then took a long walk to Hero's Square and the park at Varosliget. Here, there's the Palace of Art, the Museum of Fine Art and a truly amazing and beautiful castle. Vaydahunyad Castle. Neither of us went on this trek with cameras, instead, we enjoyed the walk and the weather and the scenery, with no pressure. It was relaxing and good for my body, mind and spirit. We talked the whole way, taking in the surroundings, conversing about art, politics, philosophy, culture and our lives. I think she's awesome.

After lunch, I took a nap. I woke up after about 45 minutes feeling completely refreshed and motivated. With my new understanding of the transportation systems, I felt confident enough to get on the metro and head back to where we were today, this time with my video camera and tripod. I shot a lot of exterior and scenic shots of the monuments and buildings, the people, the tourists. I even kept the camera rolling while I was on the subway. The sounds and audio on the metro is really incredible. A loud whirr and whoosh and grind mixed with voices and hisses and sounds of brakes. Then the doors whisk open and people come and go. My luck, as I entered the metro station and stamped my pass, the guard totally accosted me for my ticket...and I was rolling!

While I was in Hero's Square, the cutest blond boy was fascinated by me and the camera. I got a couple shots of him. My luck again, he joined me on the metro a couple stops later! He was so adorable. Funny, in a city of 2 million people, I run into this little tow-head twice.

Today is a far cry from yesterday's slump. Lunch was even better. Everything was better. I don't hurt as much and I feel rested and strong again. I may have to revamp my plans for my project and the work I'll do here, but isn't that how filmmaking, and life in general, usually ends up. Even the best plans can go to shit. The point is, to pick yourself up and keep on shooting, living, breathing -- and to be excited about it every step, even if painful, along the way.

Patricia also offered me some excellent advice: forget editing. Shoot EVERYTHING. Shoot all the time. Don't waste time editing right now, I'll always have the footage. Right now, my opportunity is to capture as much footage as possible. She put it like this: "Say you're at home, editing and you say, shit, I forgot to shoot that...it's not like you can come right back." And she's right. All I needed was a new perspective.

So, cheers to her and everyone for their love and support.

Presentation Day

2008-07-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

Part of the residency requires that we present on who we are as artist's, our past works, experience, aesthetic, concepts, practice and examples. Candida went first. I loved her work. Thoughtful, intellectual and brilliant. And she's only 25. All the presenters in the residency (all women), Marlene, Hannah, Lana, Holly, Patricia, Candida, showed command of their medium and many others - whether painting, drawing, photography, video, installation, ceramics or mixed media. And then I go second to last and I feel like total poop.

Couple reasons. One I won't mention, but the other being that here I am, 30 years old (almost 31!) a PhD student and I feel I have no aesthetic at all. I have concept. I have ideas. Some funny, some serious, some artsy, but nothing concrete that really DEFINES ME. My concept is this: shoot or produce with any materials at hand, by any means necessary. So, my work is as frenetic and un-definable as my influences. I love Werner Herzog, Alfred Hitchcock and Stan Brakhage. In film alone, this straddles so many genres and approaches. I love Saturday Night Live, Days of Our Lives and Battlestar Galactica. Okay. Does this mean I'm versatile or good at nothing?

I know I'm a great teacher/professor, whether in film theory 101 or teaching students how to shoot and edit. I think of it as "painting with light" like Joel taught me.

Today, I gave a PowerPoint about "who I am." I briefly went over my degrees, work experience, and philosophy (i.e - shoot whatever, whenever with whatever). I showed Lee Plaza Volunteer, the opening Re-Cap montage of As the Lights Dim Episode 4 and one of my newest pieces, the collaborative film Intentional Fallacy. Very good responses...but still, I felt so pedestrian...

Maybe I'm just being sensitive (see unmentionable cause #1) and highly skeptical of myself, but I did present with confidence and security. I'm proud of my work. I won't apologize because it doesn't fit into a nice little bundle or a simple category. I transcend genre, dammit!

But I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Literally. My camera bag, tripod and backpack are fucking heavy. After going to Kerepesi yesterday to shoot, I've been having horrendous muscle spasms in my shoulders from the bulk of my equipment load. My feet hurt. My body aches all over. All I want to do is drink to take away the pain. Beyond the physical pain is the emotional and psychological weight of my project. Suppose I don't fulfill my expectations of this residency? Suppose I never find my grandmother's grave? Suppose I fail at telling the story of my family with compassion, honesty and above all else, a sense of story?

I am only one person. In a foreign land (though it is my home land). I will do the best I can under the circumstances. I expect no pity...I simply want understanding. As these days of the residency move on, I need to find some peace within myself and allow some room for failure. And to consider failure as something else perhaps...as experience, discovery and wonder.

Kerepesi Cemetery

2008-07-19T10:23:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

Buda Day 3 Images

2008-07-17T05:20:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

Buda Day 3

2008-07-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

Well, still no luggage. It's been 2 full days since I've had my own clothes and things.

Holly's t-shirt was starting to smell...so I took myself shopping today. Went to the thrift store, Humana, and bought a pair of jeans, jean skirt, another skirt, 3 tank tops and 2 t-shirts. Then I went and bought a pair of Converse and 2 other pairs of cheap shoes from a little tiny lady who spoke no English but was VERY very friendly and helpful. It's amazing how gestures and signs can make up for what we lack in language communication. Then, I hit up the camera store and bought a subpar Vivitar tripod. Does what it needs to do, but is a hunk of poo compared to my Bogen. Stopped at Cafe Mozart for a cafe au lait. Oh, and I bought some toiletries including deodorant, mascara, and razors for my near-Yeti hairy legs and armpits.

Tonight, Beata, our liaison, is taking us to a couple of art openings in town. This will be great!

And here I sit, back at the I hung at a bit last night for the free Wifi (or WEEFEE, as the Magyars pronounce it). It's called Kiado Kocsma and it is a real gem of a place. I realize that even with all the prep I did for this trip, I am woefully unprepared for the days of research and shooting ahead of me. Wish me luck!

Next blog will show the pics I've taken so far, not too much. I've been too busy drewling at the architecture and the amazing busy city to actual take pictures of it...

Buda day 2

2008-07-16T09:57:00.001-07:00

Still no luggage. I'm wearing one of my roommates t-shirts. The shoes I wore to the airport were fine...for the airport. Not for walking in Budapest. FEET HURT.

Took a long walk today, regardless. Up and down korut Erzesebet, which is a street filled with cafes, restaurants, boutiques, hotels and bars. Feels like NYC without the price tag! Even the Burger King is in a beautiful building. I found a cafe around the corner from the hotel called VESPA. It's decorated with Vespas, really. They're parked in the front. Free wifi with purchase, so here I sit, with Holly and Hannah (my American roommates) and we are enjoying glasses of dry red Hungarian wine.

I took a 4 hour nap today after lunch. Didn't plan on that! But I think I really needed it after 26 hours of travelling and then getting loaded on canned Stella's while Christian and chatted on iChat. So, today, I slept it all off.

So, tomorrow I begin working. Shooting B-roll and city shots. More photography. I want to get the Kerepesi cemetery as soon as possible. This is where my grandmother is buried. I have a picture of her grave and that's all to go on. But, I'll find it.

What sucks, what REALLY REALLY SUCKS, is that my very nice Bogen tripod is in my missing suitcase. Not sure what to do. If my luggage doesn't arrive tonight, I'll have to buy a new one. And all new clothes. And a pair of Merrell's. Can't live in Holly's t-shirt for 3 weeks.

Oh ma gawd

2008-07-13T05:43:00.001-07:00

So, I leave for Hungary tomorrow and I'm so freaked out I can't sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, finally giving up. I made a pot of coffee and tweeked my presentation for the Hungarian Multicultural Center.

And what is this presentation about?

Me! And more about me! And then about how AWESOME I am!

I've packed my suitcase. It's hard packing for three weeks in one suitcase. Plus, I'm bringing my big Bogen tripod, a Canon GL-1, my digital camera and of course, Nessie, my MacBookPro.

Ah, you're probably thinking, she's going to run out of money isn't she? Well, yes, I most likely will. Truth be told, I already have. If you've helped out with a donation, thanks a million. If not, well, here's your chance! Anytime is fine...money never goes out of style! But begging on the streets of Budapest, not cool.

Click here to donate and I'll send you a postcard and thank you at the Oscars!

Narrative Shorts Film + Video Festival

2008-06-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

This came in the old email tube last night! A festival screening for the collaborative film I worked on with Jenn, Jennifer, Sean and Melinda!

Here's the link to the festival and the gallery that it's at:
California State Univerity, Chico, University Art Gallery

Narrative Film Festival
Dear Kristine,
I am very pleased to inform you that your film Intentional Fallacy has been selected for screening at the Narrative Shorts Film + Video Festival. Fifty-four films were submitted for consideration by 38 filmmakers.

Fifteen films by 12 filmmakers will be on view during continuous screenings at the University Art Gallery, November 5 – 20, 2008. A special reception and screening of selected works will take place as part of the University Film Series at Chico State's Little Theatre on Tuesday, November 11 beginning at 7:30 PM.

I hope you will consider attending the November 11 event. It would be a pleasure to introduce you before the screening and I'm sure there would be an opportunity to talk about your film after. I would be happy to provide you with a list of local accommodations.

Intentional Fallacy

2008-04-25T16:03:00.001-07:00

We finished our MATX 604 group project today! The film is called Intentional Fallacy. It's a stop-action film made from over 2500 digital stills and hand-drawn graphics. The graphics were manipulated in Photoshop and the video was edited using Adobe Premiere Pro.

My group consisted of Jenn Figg, Jennifer Smith, Sean Stewart and Melinda White. Sean, Jennifer and Melinda came up with the brilliant story idea, and handled the producing and directing of the shoots. Jenn Figg and I did a lot of the photography (Sean and Jennifer shot a bit too). Jenn created the drawings and Sean mastered all the Photoshop post-production. I punched the keys and did the physical editing, but we all conspired on the content and final product. Patrick Scott Vickers scored the piece with original music and it's perfect! We hired actors by hosting a casting call in the InSight studio and began production a week later. We had 4 shooting days and many days of post-production. We shot all around Richmond...the Canal Walk, Maymont, Franklin Street, Cafe Gutenberg, The Civil War Ironworks, the mural outside of Kuba Kuba and the Main Street train station. Richmond is VERY photogenic!

I am REALLY proud of this little film! So much so that I already created a WithoutABox account, posted the video to YouTube and we're entering it into a bunch of film festivals! Congratulations and big thank you's to my group for being so awesome.

Here's the video (crappy, compressed version, but hey, it's online!)

Gardening at Night

2008-04-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

In midst of all the luminous turmoil of the last few weeks of the semester, I managed to muster enough time to not only go to Lowe's and buy flowers and plants and mulch and containers for my postage stamp of a front garden, I also managed to plant everything I bought and spread all the stinky cypress chunks around it! All the bulbs I planted last fall are making faces at me: the tulip bulbs are in near full bloom, the day lily bulbs have sprouted and even a few hasta shoots are poking out here and there. Last night I planted half the petunias (I bought 2 flats), I potted two tomato plants and two hungarian pepper plants, planted one tomato plant in the ground (as a science experiment), sowed aster, marigold, snapdragon and morning glory seeds and mulched around where I had worked. Then I watered and took these pics. Tonight, I planted the last of the petunias, weeded and finished mulching. The little space that was covered in crappy weeds and junk ivy up to the knees when we moved in is looking pretty darned cute right now! Of course, the only time I was able to commit to my gardening occurred after class the past few nights. So here I am, in the dark, digging holes, planting flowers, spreading mulch and dirt and drinking beer. My hands and feet are filthy. I love my dirty feet! My blue jeans have turned dirt/mulch brown. They look very high fashion. In my past and/or future lives, I am a farmer.

Before I share the visuals of my great triumphs in the 10x 8 plot -- I want to thank those who have have submitted seed money to my Budapest garden! Mickey Dutta, Selmin Kara, Lill Gwizdala, Marcel Cornis-Pope, Deb Wenger, Brian Boyer, Cortney McLean, Dana Drew and Gary Cendrowski. I've raised $508 so far! Thank you thank you thank you!!! There's no deadline on donations, so make yourself famous! Donate today!

Goodness, I still have plans to plant beans, corn, radishes and onions in the back yard!

Begging!

2008-04-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm honored to have been granted a very prestigious Artist's Residency in Budapest, Hungary, through the Hungarian Multicultural Center, this coming summer from July 15 - August 7th! Out of 328 applicants, I was one of a dozen selected. Amazing.

While there, I'll begin the research and pre-production phase for my PhD Project of Excellence -- a documentary film (and 70 page written thesis!) on the 1956 Hungarian Revolution and my mother's experiences living through this tumultuous time in Stalin-controlled Hungary, her father's life as a revolutionary freedom-fighter and the tragedy of her mother's death at age 28. Just 7 years old, my mother, her brother Peter and her father Istvan, on the day of her mother's funeral, fled Hungary by cover of night, through old WWII mine fields, to become refugees in Yugoslavia. A year later, by way of the Red Cross, they came to the United States. My grandfather never even knew where his wife was buried - my mother has never returned to Hungary. This film proposes to find my grandmother's resting place, tell the story of my family and seek closure by filling the gaps and reuniting my family, and the world, with our cultural roots, history and heritage.

But, I can't do it without a little help. And here's where I beg.

I'm not asking for much, but I am, humbly, searching for donations for my residency fees -- which total about $4500 for the three weeks (room, board, airfare, beer, bribes). Whether you can give $1 or $100 to help fund my summer residency -- any amount of generosity is greatly appreciated.

My pledge to you: YOUR NAME will be in the credits of the film! Granted, this glorious accolade might take 3 - 5 years to actualize, but it is a rewarded donation nonetheless! I'll also send out periodic updates of my progress on this blog. My goal after this residency is to accumulate enough grant money to return to Hungary in two years with my mother, a talented crew (Christian, Dana and Marianne - more if budgets allow!) and a lot of research under my belt to complete a fantastic, and hopefully award-winning film! Oscar? You bet!

I've talked about The Hungary Project for years, now it's finally real and kick-starting. And that's a bit scary. But I was born to make this film and tell this story.

Donations can be made safely and securely via Paypal (just click the link!) or if you prefer, I do take checks! Our address is available upon request.

Thank you so much for any and all support you can give - from you heart, your bank account, or both! Please feel free to call or email with any questions.

Love & Happiness,
Kristine

agenttrever@hotmail.com
treverk@vcu.edu
http://ramsites.net/~treverk/
http://phdkt.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1081328579
http://www.myspace.com/kt3

PS...Philanthropy is so hot right now!

Going to Hungary!

2008-03-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

I turn 31 on July 31st. I’ve waited my whole life for this lucky birthday. And it looks like I’ll be celebrating it in Hungary!

Dear Kristine,

Congratulations! You have been selected for the
International Artists’ Residency/Seminar to be held in
Budapest, Hungary. Your residency date will be
between Tuesday, JULY 15 - Thursday, AUGUST 7;

We had 328 applications.

Please let us know whether you ACCEPT or DO NOT
ACCEPT to participate, otherwise we will choose an
other artist for your space. If you accept this
invitation send us the nonrefundable $100 for booking
your place by Wednesday, April 5, 2008.

Your residency will be at Budapest, VI. Jokai
ter 9. 1061. Each participant will provide a
lecture/seminar about their work that usually run
30-45 minutes. Closing exhibition will be arranged.

Please send us your travel arrangements,
residency fee $1,450.00 (EURO$990), and signed waiver
to HMC, 2503 Costa Mesa Drive, Dallas, TX 75228, by
Friday, April 25, 2008. I need to wire transfer the
residency fees to our host by April 28th. I will
leave for Hungary on May 3rd, so all of above time
table is crucial.

Thank you for your interest in participating in
the Hungarian Multicultural Center’s competition. If
you
have any questions please do not hesitate to contact
us by e-mail.

Best regards,

Don Juan DeMileage

2008-03-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

We've entered the glorious phase of MATX 603 where we spend 3 weeks on Don Juan/Don Giovanni - opera, history, intertextuality. I've watched half of the Met opera version and we're required to watch a non-operatic version/adaptation of Don Juan by Thursday. So I thought -- why not Don Juan DeMarco? EASY.

Not so. I left school and thought I'd hit Movie Gallery before my 7 pm workout. Had an hour to kill. Movie Gallery came up dry. So I rushed to Target - since I had to buy cat food. Not at Target. I called Xian up -- where's the nearest Blockbuster and Best Buy? I zoom over to the Blockbuster in CaryTown. Nothing. So I figure a jaunt to Short Pump/Best Buy is an quick drive on 64. Then I get lost in Mansionville and go 15 miles out into nowhere. Finally, I find a 64 connection and get back in the right direction. Get to Best Buy, about to pee my pants. AND THEY DON'T FUCKING HAVE THE MOVIE EITHER! Apparently it is only available new on DVD as a double disc with the Astronaut's Wife (barf!) and all 3 local stores are out of stock. CHEESE AND RICE! I call Xian to check in...he looks online and finds my Don Juan.

Where? Oh, about a mile and a half from my house at the local video store - The Video Fan. Nestled in the Fan (such a great neighborhood) and only on VHS. So Figg and I are going totally RETRO tonight as we watch the beauty and splendor of obsolete format for our high-end multimedia Ph.D program. 50 miles of driving, a missed workout date and gas at $3.24 a gallon. Whatever it takes, I guess. Damn you Don Juan! Cuckolded again!

Too Much of One Thing...

2008-03-08T21:37:00.001-08:00

Today I played kindergarten PhD fun with my classmate Jesse and her mom Martha.
Jesse and I are shooting a 16mm stop-motion animation film with characters/puppets made out of paper, glue and a lot of luck! We're using magnet pieces and brad/hinges for movement and placement of our characters.

The set-up: Jesse's uncle was friends with this guy named Cyril Winter. Cyril Winter liked to think of himself as Buddy Holly and spent $1000 of his own money to record a single with a B-side. The song "Too Much of One Thing" is the result. It's probably one of the worst songs in the world. Poor Cyril tries to hit all the high notes like Buddy Holly, but falls flat there and everywhere else.

Our mission: To make the long-lost music video of Cyril Winter. We're not making fun of Cyril, on the contrary, we're celebrating whatever it is that makes a person create -- even if the outcome is subpar and comical. Cyril's efforts on this song -- his dreams to make it big, his spirit, his enthusiasm -- this is what we wish to capture.

So we're making these puppets, and I've never made paper puppets before. Jesse and I met at her mom's house, about a half hour outside of Richmond, and got right to work. She's making the doctor, who Cyril visits in the lyrics. Doctor tells him to find some LOVE. The Doctor has a moving arm and will hit Cyril on the knee with a medical hammer. I'm making the love interest, who blows Cyril off. I've named her Hedda Handsome. She has a huge head and freakish hands. Martha started on Cyril, but because he's our main character, we need many bodies and heads with facial expressions for him.

I'm likening the puppets for this project to the early South Park material where they actually used paper for their animation. And I think the Black and White 16mm film will capture the aesthetic of the 1950's Buddy Holly era perfectly.

Tommorrow, we work on finishing up our Cyril puppets and on to making his band. Then we have 4 scenes to create where poor Cyril has, of course, too much of one thing, and none of another. Such as "Large stack of pancakes, small cup of syrup" and "Huge pockets, small change". Get it? If anyone wants to hear the song, I'll email you the MP3.

2008-01-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

Foucault, anyone?

The Beginning of the End and what I did inbetween

2008-01-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of winter break while simulataneously being the first day of the Spring semester. I have to write a quiz for tomorrow morning's InSight class, but I also get half the day to relax and reflect. I'll cook a nice dinner and drink some wine, but I'll never really feel like the day is mine, which is a common in the tumultuous relationship between me and Sunday.

But, a month off is wonderful! Heres a brief month in review - it's been fairly productive:

- Got drunk with Kim, Selmin, Joel, Heather, Greg, Angela, Gregg, Peter, Hernon, Chris, Courtney, Katherine, Tobie, Allen, Kelly and many, many others.

- Fell down Heather's stairs

- Learned how to make forcemeat and a stuffed suckling pig from the wonderful cookbook Heather got me for xmas. She is so thoughtful!

- Bought new living room furniture - a couch and a love seat! Sage green and scotchguarded so please come over and spill wine on my couch!

- Entered Insight into the College Television Awards

- Submitted my Cut-Ups paper to two conferences

- Submitted my Cut-Ups paper and Hillary Clinton paper to the VCU writing contest

- Applied for an Internatinal Artist Residence at the Hungarian Multicultural Center

- Joined the International Documentary Association

- Applied for a grant from the Roy Dean documentary fund

- Submitted my graphic novels multimedia presentation to the Electronic Literature Organization conference

- Was solicited to screen The Good Wife's Guide at the Mitten Movie Project in February. Why the hell not? So I submitted that oldie-but-goodie to another screening. Screening is at the Main Art Theatre on February 5th.

- Watched the entire Series of Firefly, plus Serenity, then I officially became obsessed with Nathan Fillion after watching Waitress.

- Got a six day head cold, and in my delirium, spent two days watching America's Next Top Model marathons and the entire 6 hours of Stephen King's The Stand on demand. I was very, very ill.

- To redeem myself, I've also watched Ratatouille, Who Killed the Electric Car, The Pursuit of Happyness and a few other choice selections.

- Correctly predicted Hillary Clinton would win New Hampshire.

- Supported Jon and Stephen as they came back on the air.

- Transitioned between reading Stephen's book and Oscar Wilde.

- Discovered the incredibly inspiring sounds of Klaus Nomi's music while listening to the Richmond indie radio station yesterday. Fucking rad!

- Slept and ate and relaxed!

School starts again tomorrow, and honestly, I can't wait! I'm ready for it! Bring the crazy, hectic, unorganized, random, unrelated, bizarre, stressful and entirely awesome shit on again!

Final Finale Finally

2007-12-15T13:09:00.000-08:00

First semester of MATX is officially over! And I'm back in the land of the living!

After a week of very little sleep with dreams in PowerPoint slide design, I'm proud to announce that I got A's in both classes and passed the Pass/Fail Practicum.

Final projects were:
Cut-Ups are For Everyone: The Appropriation of Found-Footage Filmmaking and Media Culture - a pretty straight-forward paper on found art, collage and filmmaking. Focused on issues of ownership, authorship, copyright and fair use by looking at four cases. Ties with with the Surrealist movement, culture-jamming and new media. One of my favorite papers ever. I'll be entering this into the VCU Dept. of English Student Writing contest!

Textuality and Graphic Novels: Identity, Influence and Adaptation in V for Vendetta and Beyond.This project really pulled me out of my comfort zone - not a standard paper at all. I composed a multimedia/hypertext in PowerPoint and then Christian helped me with the online version. It's fun, it's funky. I quoted MCP. I put in a picture of Wilson. I've entered it into the Electronic Literature Organization conference as of an hour ago. First conference I've ever submitted to!

Even though I'm thoroughly hungover from the overwhelming amount of red wine I drank at Melinda's party last night, my confidence level is pretty high. I feel...smart.

Retail Therapy

2007-12-01T07:33:00.001-08:00

After a shitty day complete with teary-eyed meltdown in the middle of class and crucial sugary Starbucks peppermint mocha injection, I still needed more to bring me outta the practicum induced funk.

So, Christian and I went shopping and out to dinner at our favorite restaurant in Richmond, this tiny little Mexican place called Su Casa on W. Broad. Best tacos I have ever had. I crave them. I dream about them. And my dreams came true last night for a total of $24.00 w/tip.

Then it was off to Marshall's, for guaranteed cheap clothes. I have purchased new clothes 3 times in the past year: in January I bought some socks. In August I bought some shorts. In October I bought a sweatshirt. Ladifrickinda. It was time to do some major damage and revamp my wardrobe.

Marshall's purchases: 1 pair of jeans, 2 pairs of pants (one casual, one dressy). One cashmere sweater (zip up with hood, my favorite). 3 pairs of knee high socks. Two pairs of patterned tights. One scarf, one pair of gloves. Total: $202.00

Next, Target. Something's up over there - they must have a new fashion buyer. The clothes were kickass cute and actually tailored to fit. I bought six tops of a variety of styles. I bought two black dresses, a belt, a pair of earrings and a hat. Some Burt's Bees balm. And two bottles of red wine. Total: $200.00

Then I came home and sent out my Amazon order:
One 4 Gb jump drive. 15 rolls of 35mm film (various speeds and styles). One battery for the Canon. One battery for the Minolta. An essay book on photography by Susan Sontag. Total price: 130.00.

And I felt so much better when I finished blowing my entire two-week stipend payment in one evening. A thousand times better. Maybe it's also because I've been so starved for new clothes after getting rid of so much when we moved to Richmond. Maybe it also has to do with the 15 bonus pounds I'm carrying on my gut and ass that's making me not fit right into what I have. Who knows? But retail therapy works, and I am proof.

After it was all said and done, we opened a bottle of merlot, sat on the couch, snuggling with each other, the dog and the cats, and watched A Beautiful Mind. And I thought I had problems...

Pinball

2007-11-15T17:02:00.000-08:00

My fascination with Pinball is now validated after reading Sherry Turkle's article in the New Media Reader about gaming systems from way back in 1984. She calls pinball the grandfather of video games and discusses how gaming affects adults and children. She states "Being in a relationship with the game means getting recentered on yourself." I love that. Here's another good one: "There is a sense of a force at work, a 'holding power' whose roots are aggressive, passionate, and eroticized." Wawaweewaa! She speaks my language! Finally, academia has touched me at a deep and profound level.

I've been a pinball junky for some time now, with astounding results! I drink too much beer and it's done nothing to curb my cigarette consumption, I've managed to keep up with my US state quarter colleciton, and I am a legend in my own right. I always master the game. Fishtails, South Park, Lord of The Rings, The Simpsons, Theatre of Magic, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sopranos, Elvis, and now...DRACULA!

Empire, the punk bar a couple blocks from us, has Dracula pinball. I found it accidentally a few months ago, taking a different walk home from class. On my first time in the bar, first time playing this machine, I won a ton of free games (CRACK!) and got a high score of 600 million and change. The bartender was amazed: "I dump 20 bucks worth of quarters in here a week to get a score like that!" Sucker.

On my second time back, I beat the high score with a whopping 1 billion 38 mill plus. My moniker, KTX, graces the screen along with KTX as the loop champion with 21 loops.

On Wednesday, I popped in again for a quickie. As opposed to Detroit, where I played obsessively and almost exclusively at Jumbo's, I've really curbed my consumption of flippers and balls. But since I've been so good, I thought, why not, I'll pop in for a beer and a couple games.

Nice that it's 3 plays for a dollar. I'm doing okay, crack a few free games, no earth shattering scores, but some games in the millions. Go to get another dollar in quarters. There's the bartender, Cutie McPunky and two neophytes at the bar - both of them ignoring me, though the bartender pays a little interest in my successes. When I ask for the next round of quarters he says "Yeah, it'll hook ya" and chuckles. I chuckle back and say softly
"I've got the highest score"
and wink at him.

He looks at the dudes at the bar and says
"That's her?"
and they grunt with such sheer hatred for me. Fatty McFat and Coughy McCough must be real burned up that some girl came in and blew them away. Some stranger from out of town with no track record of loss, no sense of shame, no bruised ego. I don't even brag about how good I am, in fact when people play me, I encourage them and teach them tricks of the table. I'm not very competitive about it, I just love it. And to these guys, I'm suddenly notorious, an enemy. Come on fucker, I'll take you on any day.

So I play my last dollar as best as I can. I score two free games out of it. My track record is really like 5 games for a dollar. That's the best deal in town. I finish up, smile and wave goodbye - and only the bartender bids me a good evening.

Clean House/Free Culture

2007-11-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

Even though I should be reading Lessig's Free Culture, we spent the day cleaning out our little mini-room which has become a storage closet. We moved everything out and moved the jellybean black couch in...hence, I now have a quiet study/yoga room. It can also double as a guest room. Having this room clean is like having an entire new dimension to our living space. It's streamlined. We were able to move all of Xian's drums and music gear into the hall space where the couch was, so instead of having a whole drum kit in our dining room, we've moved it all upstairs. Along with this newly renovated space for me to chill and get work done comes new responsibilities. I have no excuses for leaving my books, bookbags, school shit all over the house as I am used to doing. Oh well, a little structure and fung shui can go a long way.

Blog ethics

2007-10-31T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've just deleted my most current blog post, where I scanned and made anonymous a very absurd and awful paper a student turned in to me. I blocked out his name and made no reference to the course. In the paper, he references how "hip" he is, four times, and that he's "neato". The joke is that for his grand sense of self, the paper had absolutely no academic content or value, other than being ridiculous. After tonight's blogging/new media and ethics discussion in my History of Media, Art and Text course, I ran home with such an immense sense of guilt and terror. Though all efforts were made to keep the student's identity unavailable, I think the potential for trouble was imminent. I kept thinking, as I practically ran through campus, I'm fucked. I'm fucked for finding something funny and posting it in this wasteland. The fact that I covered his identity isn't enough to cover my ass because really, I compromised my integrity as a professor. Lesson learned. More than a lesson, a hands-on, tangible, worldly, first time ever brush with the underbelly of the internet. You can get the gist of the idiocy in the paper without me posting a scanned image of it; the above paraphrase seems to suffice. What I'm afraid of, sincerely afraid of, is that what I post on my PhD mandated blog will one come back with a vengeance and keep me from landing a job, grants, respect. I bitch all the time about media ethics, low standards, inaccuracy, and here I go and do exactly what I've found to be distasteful. No sense in beating myself up over it, damage averted for now. But my filter is up and that does make me a little sad. Now I have to censor myself in this forum, which I didn't want to think was possible. Alas, repercussions are so "in". And so traceable! It would probably be better if I posted drunken photos. I'll leave that to myspace.

Tetanus

2007-10-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

Someone please! Bring me a rusty nail to step on!

I need to feel good, someway, about the VCU/State of Virginia sanctioned tetanus shot I had to get yesterday. I didn't sleep at all last night, because every time my left arm even bumped the pillow I would yelp in pain. Toss and turn, OUCH, toss and turn, FUCK! I awoke this morning groggy and feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Looked that way too. Christian had to do up my bra because I couldn't reach around to my back. It was excruciatingly painful to even put on a shirt. Four motrin later I started to feel better, at about 4 pm today after my GTA work required me to run my ass off on production day. I still can't fully lift my arm and there's a giant lump in it that is totally solid. Solid like a rock. Solid Gold.

And they drew THREE vials of blood to test me for a MMR vaccine. Brutality, I tell you.

Again, a board with rusty nails would be really great for mental health right about now. Or just a Rusty Nail with Dewars will do.

Goodbye Slumpy

2007-09-16T10:48:00.000-07:00

The house at 284 Eliot in Brush Park, Detroit, was a very special old house with a unique history and horrible crumbling structure. I photographed this place for years, and when the front facade crumbled, a group of us went to salvage some of the heavy terra cotta pieces. We were confronted by the cops at the end of mission accomplised, and H almost blew our cover. But I digress...

Amidst all the years of shooting I watched this poor mansion go from bad to devasting to downright dangerous. Last summer, on an all-nighter, G, M, D and I spelunked it. I'm surprised it didn't fall down on us, but it was a thrilling adventure to get inside. The pic on my website is from about 5 years ago, just after the initial facade crumbled and they installed steel stripping. There was hope of rehabilitation. This project, like so many others, was abandoned, while the neighborhood around her was re-built and gentrified.

Well, Ol' Slumpy's gone now, demolished, her memory and architectural splendor squandered by a city that sells the jewels for the price of the polish. In her memory, here's the video of the last of her facade crumbling and some fantastic pics of the demolition by Detroit Funk.

Richmond ROCKS! Don't stop Believin'!!!!

2007-09-10T19:32:00.001-07:00

After an awesome, drunken, totally really really ridiculously good-looking weekend with Matt and Marianne where we spent a good portion of time discovering Richmond and a lot of the places I haven't been yet, Christian finally came home after a two-week work hiatus in MI. With much guilt, but little apprehension, I took Saturday completely off from studies and he and I spent a bit of the afternoon exploring what I call the Granite Planet...this part of the James River Park that is miles of huge granite boulders that you can hike all over and make your way across to get to the James River and Belle Isle. Yes, Richmond has a Belle Isle, and I'll tell you what, it ain't ghetto. Once we made it to the river, after climbing an abandoned dam and finding all kinds of cool trails, we found an area of the river where people were picnicing, swimming, and swimming with their DOGS! Now I can't wait to take Wilson to the river. I've never seen him swim, but I know since his heritage is part Newfoundland that he will love the mossy river water. Not worried about him stinking like mossy river, he already reeks.

Tonight we ate at a wonderful restaurant called Comfort, which is only 4 blocks from our house. I had a kobe steak with sides of mac n cheese and squash cassorole. Amazing.

I can't believe how nice it is here...and I love VCU so far. A totally energized, positive environment. Shit gets done here. Good shit. The MATX program is incredible. I have never experienced such a calm, collected and inspiring work environment - and I have never been treated so well personally and professionally. VCU bought four empty buildings on Broad St., right behind my house, which are being renovated to be the studios exclusively for us MATX art folk. And since Richmond has it's First Fridays Art Walk every month, on Friday, me and a few of my new MATX friends decorated/installed the windows of our new buildings with our art - one of my films and some objects to go along with it, Guido's animation, Belinda's print work, Katie's glass, Jenn's sculpture, etc... I'm only here a month and I already have a film showing/art space and a few really cool friends in the program. That's fucking outrageous!

Who's next on the visiting trail? DANA!!!!! Yay! Or maybe, you?

Briar Rose

2007-09-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

What a BITCH.

No not really. Briar Rose was one of the easiest and most exciting papers I've ever written. Couple reasons: the hypertext version of the story was amazingly fun to read. It bounced all over the fucking place! It never ended! It never actually ENDS. And then there's the fact that I can pretty much pick apart the end of the "traditional bourgeois novel" and scream out loud - hey, not every fucking spoiled college kid or their grandma own a motherfucking computer or have time or the inclination to sit in front of a machine to read a text. Books are our friends, still. Old, archaic, but useful friends. Narrative, as we traditionally know it, is NOT DEAD YET. So that was fun. Of course, I did not use the term "motherfucking computer" in my paper. I'll save that for the hypertext version...coming your way....soon. Motherfuckers.

I definitely recommend the experience of reading Briar Rose and know this, my paper will be on my website soon enough (just have to figure out how that pesky dreamweaver operates). Why is it that I can easily learn a video editing software, figure out depth of field charts by sight, conjure up a million useless tidbits of information, but I cannot for the life of me, figure out dreamweaver?

Working for Tuition

2007-08-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

First week of classes has commenced I've also fulfilled my first of work as a GTA for the School of Mass Communications. First, I'm working as an assistant for the undergraduate-produced news show called VCU InSight. Here, I fulfill two roles. I help the students who serve as anchors and reporters shoot and edit their stories. Next week, I'll help update the website for the show. Second, I assist the new studio professor in helping the technical crew get it together - shoot in the studio, run the switcher (which is apparently dead), hook up audio, etc. Then I help edit the final package of the shows, for which I have my own private office and edit suite. Sounds a bit too perfect, or easy, when considering where I came from and the environment that we students and professors were forced to work in. The other part of my job entails teaching a Mass Comm 101 breakout session. I have 25+ students who also go to a 400 person lecture session and then meet with me once a week to go over the course and discuss issues of from their textbook and course. It's a class that meets for 50 minutes. Now I'm used to teaching courses that last FOUR HOURS. This is a breeze!

Except there's this pesky thing called homework, and I'm stuck in four academic courses...so when people use terms like "buttload" and "ass-kicking" they are, of course, referring to the amount of reading I have to do.

My awesome website (work in progress)

2007-08-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Not only are we sort of "required" to have a blog for the program, we are definitely required to build our own, however minimal, functioning website to post and promote our scholarly/artistic portfolios. I've never done this before and Dreamweaver makes my brain hurt a bit - the way that math makes my brain hurt. But I'm a big girl and I will survive!

Here's mine: tell me what you think! Of course, it isn't quite finished.
http://ramsites.net/~treverk/

First week in MATX

2007-08-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

Let me be honest. I moved my entire life to Richmond because of the MATX program. Regrets? NONE.

A little backstory: I'm from Detroit, MI. The motor city. Home of the Tigers, Red Wings and Pistons (though truthfully, their stadium is not in the city, but some 50 minutes north into sprawling suburban hell). I have both my BA and MA from WSU...I have been an indentured servant at WSU since before I finished my MA. I felt like they owned me. I served time as an Adjunct and production lab manager for wages so paltry I still had to have a 3rd and 4th and often 5th part time or freelance gig to simply pay my student loan and car payment.

About September of 2006 I had a meltdown. As an artist, I wasn't producing anything. I spent most of my time trying to blow off steam at the Elvis pinball machine at Jumbo's. I drank too much. I gained weight. I felt like shit. I was, in every sense of the word, trapped.

Unhappy, pissed off, knowing I'd hit the glass ceiling, or more precisely, a brick wall, I looked into schools. I accidentally found VCU's program with a simple google search. And MATX came up. Not sure if I wanted an MFA or a PhD, I applied to 4 other MFA programs and only MATX. And VCU/MATX is the only school that accepted me. But let me clarify, I wasn't just accepted the MATX, I was offered a GTA position that covers my tuition, gives me a yearly stipend and comes with university health insurance. When I read my acceptance, I started bawling. Finally, a way out. Finally, a wrecking ball came through and smashed the brick wall in front of me.

Here I am in Richmond at my desk in my office on the second floor of my charming 1880's Italinate townhouse. I'm reflecting on who I was and where I've come from in order to put into perspective how incredibly fortunate I feel to be here right now. Maybe all that time in Detroit wasn't a waste because it lead me to this place and this program and earned me the award from VCU. I have to think this way or I will feel like I wasted the last 4 years of my life on a useless MA and working at a school that treated me poorly for lousy pay. And I'm bitter about it, but that too seems to be wearing off as everyday I discover something new and wonderful about this great little city.

So my first week of classes is over and I have so much work to do...it's a bit overwhelming and I'm kind of scared. But I'm also excited about something and feel a sense of purpose that had been sorely lacking in my life for so long. I do my best work under pressure and I do my best work when I am encouraged and pushed and thrown in head first. The courses are demanding, but I'm not here to fuck around. I want to work hard. I am determined to make up for the lost years of nothingness and anger. And in that sense, I am grateful to finally be overwhelmed again.